FINAL 9 - PP Picks

We are down to the nine greatest singers in the history of the world. Time to make your Pre-Performance Picks. Rank these contestants 1-9 giving nine points to the person you think is most likely to be voted out and so on and so forth blah blah blah.

This week is Dolly Parton week. That means one of two things. Either all of the contestants will be sporting humongous fake boobs or they will be singing songs from Dolly's fabulous catalogue. I can't wait to see who sings Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That. They will surely suck.

Well, here are your contestants ...

MICHAEL JOHNS
Supposedly the great Aussie hope gained some ground last week with his power-rock medley. He is still one of my favorites but I still think he can't win because he doesn't "play the game" as well as the others do. I am surprised, however, that he dances in those group numbers - he is participating but I don't think it is helping him any.

BROOKE WHITE
Brooke should be fine as long as she doesn't stand up to sing and wave her yellow gumby arms. Dolly week should be kind to her - but you never know.



JASON CASTRO
First off, I was watching one of our favorite shows, The Soup, this past Friday and they did a whole segment on how it looked like Castro was a pothead. So I am not alone. Also - I saw a clip from MadTV where they interviewed some AI finalists on the red carpet - and they said Jason looked like Travolta in Battlefield Earth. You heard it here first.
Many people think that Jason should be the one to sing I Will Always Love You this week. I agree that his version would sound different - but I think it might make me hurl from the cheesiness.

CARLY SMITHSON
Carly is having a tough time. It doesn't matter that she sings well - she really has to get over those facial expressions and that bouncy dance. There just isn't that interesting thing about her to make people really care. Maybe she should get a tattoo of Archie on her left shoulder to win some favor from the young ones.

KRISTY LEE COOK
Oh Kristy. Surely Dolly sang the national anthem at some point in her career. Maybe there is hope. Make sure to wear your American flag bikini.


DAVID COOK
David has had an interesting week. He supposedly supplanted Archie as the frontrunner while pissing off a lot of rock fans for not giving credit for his covers of covers. If he does the White Stripes' version of Jolene he might just shoot himself in the foot. What will most likely happen is I will end up liking his performance even though I will be trying not to.

RAMIELE MALUBAY
Do you know why lip gloss is still in this competition? Well, the Philippine consulate in New York has been sending out messages to the press asking every Filipino to vote for "the only genuine Amateur competing against seasoned professionals." She sucked again last week but wasn't even in the bottom three. Those Filipinos sure seem racist.

DAVID ARCHULETA
If Dolly has any songs about the world becoming a better place - Archie (or his dad) will probably choose it. I know he supposedly lost his top spot to David Cook, but those 12 year old girls are pretty loyal. All he has to do is sing a song that is appropriate for his age - and they will be melting again.

SYESHA MERCADO
I should care about Syesha more than I do. I think most of America feels that way. It will be a shame when she goes before KKKristy.