FINAL 5 - BONUS PICKS

Sorry for the late posts. I have been working on a number of things - not the least of which is my new website that I designed. It is so awesome. I digress ...

**RULE CHANGE** **TAKE NOTE**

The structure of the bonus picks is different the next few weeks. You still have 15 points - but you can use them in any way you want. You can give all 15 to one contestant or you can give three points to all five contestants. I don't care.
I don't have any comments from last night because I haven't seen the show yet. Of course I heard about Paula's mental meltdown and the general feeling that there aren't many people to pull for anymore - except, of course, Jason "Doobie" Castro. I also remember hearing Mrs. Commish (who watched it last night without me) say that David Cook's head has gotten so big that his hair is doing crazy things. Oh - and that Brooke's performance was very uncomfortable to watch. I can't wait to see the show.

FINAL 5 - PP Picks

This week's PP Picks will still be worth double the points. Rank the contestants 1-5.

It is Neil Diamond week. Is it just me or are they making it difficult for the contestants to sing anything that is relevant for this day and time. Of course, I have no idea what is really relevant to this day and time.

Here are your lucky contestants with their pros and cons listed for your assistance.

BROOKE WHITE
Pros: Only white girl, seems nice, OK voice within her range
Cons: White girl, only seems nice, has three note range.


JASON CASTRO
Pros: looks?, originality, if he gets voted off he won't remember it
Cons: looks?, mentally checked out, bad role model with all of the pot smoking and stuff (hehe)

DAVID COOK
Pros: sells a lot on iTunes, can actually sing, knows when to say no to old British men pretending to be 17 year-old girls
Cons: Annoying, Pompous, Arrogant, Worthy, Butt-rockerness, hair

SYESHA MERCADO
Pros: looks, only African American contestant, looks more comfortable than Brooke
Cons: The boys are better, she is still just a bit off vocally, she looks totally different every week

DAVID ARCHULETA
Pros: every girl under 15 loves him, good voice
Cons: every girl under 15 loves him, his lips, his dad, that goofy smile

SCORES - FINAL 6 - Carly is Gone

It was bound to happen sometime. At least she was sent home after getting good comments from Simon. Actually, I think that is what got her sent home - not the comments but the way that t-shirt bounced when she held it up to her chest.

Anyways - no time for comments. On to the scores. Get ready for Neil Diamond week next week.

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk6PPPicks - Wk6Bonus - Wk6Total

Fire and Ice - 65 173 12 4 16
Simonsays - 62 177 12 4 16
Seacrest Out - 67 202 10 5 15
profB - 67 190 10 5 15
AMightyWin - 65 65 8 5 13
Team Hasselhoff - 41 141 12 0 12
The Indiananans - 60 181 10 1 11
JC - 66 194 6 4 10
Yo Yo Dawg - 62 62 10 0 10
PaulaTics - 61 191 10 0 10
Team Shivers - 57 177 10 0 10
Zebra Fight - 52 180 10 0 10
Leftcoaster - 63 63 8 1 9
Idolsmith - 56 166 8 1 9
Team35 - 69 191 8 0 8
Bessie Moo - 66 181 8 0 8
Sanjaya Rocks - 58 182 8 0 8
Badnewz - 57 154 6 1 7
Thaddeus Glapp - 74 195 6 0 6

FINAL 6 - BONUS PICKS

Time for your bonus picks. You know the drill - divide 15 points among 3 contestants.

The party last night was much fun. Thanks again to IdolSmith for providing the food and to Team 35 for hosting. Next year's party will be even better.

Last night's show was a great one to watch with 20 IdolSchmidolers other than the fact that it felt short with only 6 singers that I really don't care about. Here are some of the highlights that I remember ...

Syesha giving us a demonstration of a non-dramatic and a dramatic performance.

The piano flub.

"Glamour-puss"

Castro acting clueless once again.

Brooke stopping and starting again.

Paula telling Brooke that she should never stop and start - obviously forgetting that she loved it the last time Brooke did that.

Brooke's awkward fake sincerity with Sir Andrew and with all of us during her performance.

Carly and her bouncing t-shirt.

Sir Andrew wanting to be a 17 year old girl while David Cook wanted to run out of the room.

"Grasp It"

Archuleta joined on stage by all 7 of his wives.

"Sensual"

David Cook's "sexy" look at the camera.

FINAL 6 - PP Picks

Time for the Final 6 PP Picks. You know what to do. Rank these contestants 1-6.
The only difference this week will be the MULTIPLIER. Since we are down to the final 6, we will multiply the value of your PP pick by 2. So whoever you give 6 points is really getting 12 and so on. This allows for some more substantial point differences between the picks.

Tonight we will have the greatest party in IdolSchmidol history. Sorry to you folks who can't make it. Let me just say that there will be trivia prizes that will blow your mind.

In honor of GMA week, I will interview each of the following contestants with some question that would be common to the interviews going on right now at the Renaissance Hotel in Nashville between people like ProfB and guys with spiky hair who are wearing girl jeans and scarves in the 70+ degree weather.

BROOKE WHITE
Q: What is your life verse?
A: "Their names were blotted out, and they were not numbered among the people of Christ." - Book of Moroni 6:7 (Book of Mormon)

JASON CASTRO
Q: What is in your car's CD player right now?
A: The weed I was trying to hide from the cops when they pulled me over.


CARLY SMITHSON
Q: So tell us about how you were saved?
A: Well, you see, I thought I was going to be voted out two weeks ago, but my good friend Michael Johns was voted out instead.

DAVID COOK
Q: Tell us about your church.
A: My church is a place called the dressing room. The altar is a mirror where I get to see the great David Cook staring back at me and I immediately start worshiping.

SYESHA MERCADO
Q: How long have you been traveling with the Winans?
A: I have never traveled with them. I am Syesha Mercado from American Idol. And no - I wasn't in Out of Eden or Annointed either. You, Mr. ProfB, are quite racist.

DAVID ARCHULETA
Q: What would you like to hear God say when you get to heaven?
A: Hey David. Your planet is right over here.

SCORES - TOP 7 - Kristy Lee Rides Off Into The Sunset - Glapp is Weekly Winner

Kristy can now return to her husband and 4 kids.

Well the girl who invented the Country Crouch and the Saddle Squat has been voted off. The strange thing is that she has been on the chopping block for so long - but was apparently more of a surprise this week than Michael Johns was last week. Only one team gave her any points in their bonus picks (Thaddeus Glapp). Maybe that was because this was arguably her best performance of the whole competition. At least she went out on top. I am sure Archie is still upset he won't be comforted by her bosom when he gets voted out like Ramiele was - but he will just have to settle with feeling David Cook's soul patch brush against his cheek.

So kudos to Thaddeus Glapp. Not only did he jump to the top of the Final 12 competition, but he leaped into 2nd place in the overall competition. You are a genius, my friend. On the other hand, my team put up the worst point total of the week and dropped to 4th in the overall competition. We are losing our power. Here are the scores ...

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk7PPPicks - Wk7Bonus - Wk7Total

Thaddeus Glapp - 74 195 7 5 12
Team35 - 69 191 7 0 7
Seacrest Out - 67 202 7 0 7
profB - 67 190 7 0 7
JC - 66 194 7 0 7
Fire and Ice - 65 173 7 0 7
Leftcoaster - 63 63 7 0 7
Yo Yo Dawg - 62 62 7 0 7
The Indiananans - 60 181 7 0 7
Team Shivers - 57 177 7 0 7
Badnewz - 57 154 7 0 7
Idolsmith - 56 166 7 0 7
Zebra Fight - 52 180 7 0 7
AMightyWin - 65 65 6 0 6
Simonsays - 62 177 6 0 6
Bessie Moo - 66 181 5 0 5
Sanjaya Rocks - 58 182 5 0 5
Team Hasselhoff - 41 141 5 0 5
PaulaTics - 61 191 4 0 4

FINAL 7 - BONUS PICKS

Time to get your bonus picks in. You know the drill - 15 points divided among 3 contestants giving each one at LEAST one point.

The final 7 pose with a life-size Mariah Carey cut-out.

Last night was kind of a night of surprises for me ...

• I realized that Mariah actually has some artistic credibility.
• Kristy Lee was one of the strongest female performances of the evening.
• I didn't like David Cook's song (no surprise) but the judges shat themselves again.
• Syesha didn't capitalize on Mariah week
• Brooke didn't use a band (bad choice)

Speaking of Brooke - Mrs. Commish watched the performances before I got home and watched them again with me. She warned me that I might not be able to stand watching Brooke's performance. She knows me too well. The piano playing wasn't that good to start with, but after the bridge when Brooke started shaking and bumped the song tempo up a good 6 bps I couldn't bear to look at the TV. It was like watching that scene in Escape To Victory, the soccer movie with Pele, Sylvester Stallone and Michael Caine, when they had to break the goalie's leg so Sly could travel with the team of P.O.W.s and lead them to freedom through the Nazi's drained swimming pool (It is a great movie by the way). You know what is going to happen when they prop that poor goalie's leg up between two boards but you just can't bear to watch it. I actually think Brooke's performance was worse.

Speaking of bad, David Cook once again turned in a low-in-his-register first verse of a song that sounded like poop in a blender. He then butt-rocked his way through the first chorus and then sang power notes over the professional background singers singing the second chorus by themselves. I didn't like it at all. Then the judges thought it was awesome and then Davy pulled a "Hillary Clinton" (as Mrs. Commish said) and pretended to get all emotional after the judges comments. I am over this dude and hope he doesn't win.

Speaking of being over something, during Archie's performance last night I officially announced that I was over his voice. He has a really nice voice and I like his different approach to his little tricks and runs, but I am just plain bored of it. He needs to shake things up a bit and sing something totally against the grain - like a Marilyn Manson song.

Speaking of Marilyn Manson, Carly still looks freaky when she sings. I wonder who finds such freaky facial expressions attractive - Oh, I know - the guy that has his body covered in tattoos and piercings.

Speaking of piercing, Syesha just can't seem to land a big note and it kind of hurts.

Speaking of hurting, those girls must be pained that Kristy Lee Cook - who was at the bottom of everyone's list long before the final 12 - was arguably the best female. I say arguably because I don't think that Carly did a bad job - but Kristy actually sounded the best that I think she has ever sounded on this show.

Speaking of this show, Jason Castro was on it last night. He did a decent job which led to the first ever coherent/quasi-funny comeback that Paula has ever said about a Luau.

Speaking of the first ever coherent/quasi-funny thing that Paula said, the moment was quickly spoiled as she began rambling about beef and poi. Sometimes it is best to just shut up - but Paula is never one to miss an opportunity to sound like a lunatic.

Speaking of missing something, we miss Johnsie (which is a much better nickname than MJ).

FINAL 7 - PP Picks

Time for the final 7 PP Picks. This is the last week before the PP Pick amounts double - so just rank the contestants 1-7 .

This is Mariah Carey week. That means that everyone will start the show being cute and respectable, then they will get a divorce, then they will turn into dirty hip-hop artists who wear clothes that are 4 sizes too small for them, then they will make lots of money from a record label - all while singing in whistle tones. It should be great. Good luck to the guys trying to find a Mariah Carey song to sing.

Here are your lucky contestants and the things they have in common with Mariah Carey ...

BROOKE WHITE
Curly hair (early Mariah)
Purity (early Mariah)
Huge earrings



JASON CASTRO
Smokes pot
Air-headedness
"Go with the Flow" attitude



CARLY SMITHSON
Big voice
Desperate




KRISTY LEE COOK
Nothing whatsoever





DAVID COOK
Likes to cover other people's songs
Chest hair



DAVID ARCHULETA
Parts of Mariah are the same age as David
Love of Butterflies



SYESHA MERCADO
Big smile
Racial Ambiguity

IDOLSCHMIDOL PARTY

We thought it would be great to mix the two greatest musical events - GMA Week and American Idol so you should be getting an e-mail about the first annual IdolSchmidol party. It will be next Tuesday (the 22nd which also happens to be Earth Day). It will start at 6:30 PM (post-dinner) and we will watch the awesome performances together. If you don't get an e-mail about it soon, then get in touch with me and I will give you the details. Hopefully we can catch some of the out-of-towners while they are here for the GMA festivities.

SCORES - TOP 8 - JOHNSIE LEAVES, PROFB WEEKLY WINNER

Johnsie is gone and it is still hard to believe. But it is probably better for him. He can get out of this competition and actually make a good record. Wait - I forgot that he has to travel around with the rest of the finalists and do concerts with lame songs and choreography. Well, as soon as he is done paying his debt to the devil he can get on with his own career.

Meanwhile, Johnsie's departure left us with low scores this week. Most people put it all on the line for Carly or Syesha. Only three people put Johnsie in their bonus picks. ProfB gave him 4 points in his bonus picks. What do you have against Johnsie, prof? Congratulations on being such a great fortune teller.

Here are the scores for the week ... (by the way - I didn't get PP Picks from the Badnewz Broadwells - so let me know if you actually made them but had posting problems or something)

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk8PPPicks - Wk8Bonus - Wk8Total

profB - 60 183 4 4 8
Bessie Moo - 61 176 2 2 4
Seacrest Out - 60 195 4 0 4
AMightyWin - 59 59 3 1 4
The Indiananans - 53 174 4 0 4
Thaddeus Glapp - 62 183 3 0 3
JC - 59 187 3 0 3
Fire and Ice - 58 166 3 0 3
PaulaTics - 57 187 3 0 3
Simonsays - 56 171 3 0 3
Leftcoaster - 56 56 3 0 3
Yo Yo Dawg - 55 55 3 0 3
Sanjaya Rocks - 53 177 3 0 3
Team Shivers - 50 170 3 0 3
Idolsmith - 49 159 3 0 3
Team Hasselhoff - 36 136 3 0 3
Team35 - 62 184 2 0 2
Zebra Fight - 45 173 2 0 2
Badnewz - 50 147 0 0

Its All Wrong, But Its Alright

RIP Johnsie

Dear Abby,

For some reason tonight my wife started having outbreaks of uncontrollable sobbing. I tell her I am sorry for whatever I did, but she just says she needs her time to grieve. I don't know what she is grieving - all I know is that she has never looked so heartbroken before. Every time I try to comfort her, she yells at me to move out of the way of the TV. The weird thing is that there is nothing playing on TV - the TiVo is just paused on some guy standing there on American Idol. But she is watching it like there is actually something on there. Do you think that she is mentally unstable or do I just need to go buy her some flowers or something?

- Confused in Tennessee


Dear Confused in Tennessee,

Michael Johns was just unfairly voted off of American Idol tonight. Women around the country are in mourning. It was just a week ago that he sang to us about Sexy Lovin' Lines. Just leave her alone and don't mention anything about Australia or even New Zealand for the next few weeks.

FINAL 8 - BONUS PICKS

Update: Get Picks In By Thursday Night's Show
due to Idol Gives Back

Inspirational music sucks.

Time for them bonus picks. You have 15 points to divide among three contestants - giving at least one point to each of them.

When I got home last night Mrs. Commish warned me that the show wasn't good. She said Johnsie didn't even do it for her - whatever that means. What did we expect from a week of inspirational music?

When I watched Johnsie kick it off - I didn't think it was as bad as Mrs. Commish thought it was. I thought he did a good job - and if he was later in the night the judges would have liked him more because he didn't have a bunch of competition. I did notice that Outback Johns is becoming a bit more cheesy. He said something like, "See, dreams really do come true." That is just as bad as holding his fingers up for his voting number. This competition is getting to him.

Then we had Syesha once again perform a song from an artist much better than she is. She did a decent job but it might not be good enough. The best part was when she basically slammed the other girls in the competition saying that Ramiele was the "only one who really got me."

Then Jason Castweed sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I thought it was good. I just couldn't stop wondering why he was wearing my Grandma's sweater and women's pants. I will say that - in comparison to Brooke - he can actually keep time on an instrument. He was a drummer after all. When Jason was done singing I said, "That wasn't bad." Then Mrs. Commish responded, "Yeah, but wait until you see how bad the judges shat themselves over it." (Disclaimer: she was a bit stressed and worn out last night from a long day. That usually makes her pretty saucy.)

Kristy was next. When I found out that she was going to sing Anyway from Martina McBride, I was sure that this would be the nail in the coffin. Martina sings the crap out of that song. I asked Mrs. Commish if I was about to watch a train wreck. She told me it wasn't that bad. Then I said, "Well, does she do her Saddle Squat?" She said, "Yep, she does the Country Crouch." I didn't realize we had two different names for the same dance move. Well, not only did Kristy do a passable version of the song (we all have lower standards for her performances) but she really did look like she was singing something she believed in for the first time. That was refreshing to see.

Then David Cook gave a Belmont Showcase-worthy performance of Innocent. By Belmont Showcase-worthy I mean taking yourself way too seriously trying to sing a song with an inspirational message while wearing some ridiculous performance outfit. I loved watching Simon look down at the monitor in his desk while Davy was giving us the hand, telling us to give back. Simon laughed at the absurdity of it (as you can see in the picture above). We thought Davy's vocals at the beginning of the song were really bad and then it only improved to a moderate butt-rocker voice. Not very impressive Sonny Crockett.

Carly came out wearing those high-waisted pants again so I had to just listen to the rest of The Show Must Go On with my eyes closed. I thought this week was inspirational week. I don't get much inspiration from the message that things suck but you still have to work anyways. I know that isn't the point, but it just felt less like inspiration and more like a substitute teacher who was finally pushed over the edge by that last spitball.

Archie seemed a bit nervous at first playing the piano but he settled into it and gave a typical performance for him. Not bad. Of course the judges liked it. Some girl in the audience was holding a sign that said "Lick those lips". There is no way I would let my little girl hold that sign. Even stranger than the sign was Simon's comment that Angels was one of the greatest pop songs ever written. I usually agree with everything that Simon says, but I completely disagree with him on this one. He wondered why that song was never huge over here - well, it was big enough to hear on the radio all the time. It annoyed me then and it annoys me now.

We ended the evening with Brooke. That song is inspirational in the 8th grade on the last night of a youth group snow-skiing retreat in a room full of candles. Last night it just looked like Brooke was in pain from over-sincerity.

FINAL 8 - PP Picks

Sorry for the late post but we started work on Mrs. Commish's record this week which pretty much means that I am not as available for my part time job as your American Idol liason. Better late than never.

Here are your final 8 contestants. Rank them 1-8, giving 8 points to the contestant you think is MOST likely to get voted out. Why am I saying this? You guys know how it works. Get to it.

Since I don't have much time for analysis, I will just tell you what I imagine myself saying to each contestant when I meet them in five years.

MICHAEL JOHNS
"Sure, mate. I would be honored to write for your record."




BROOKE WHITE
"Sorry my son didn't turn in the money for the youth ski trip. We'll bring it to you at church on Wednesday night."



JASON CASTRO
"I'm sorry, what do you want me to carry through Airport Security for you?"



CARLY SMITHSON
"Yeah - you were a great singer. Now, back to the tattoo. Just a heart with Lorelai written in it."



KRISTY LEE COOK
"Make that two small Heath bar Blizzards."




DAVID COOK
"So ... how long have you been A&R at Word?"




DAVID ARCHULETA
"I know it is hard always having to talk through this glass window, but until you serve your time for all of those horrendous crimes this is the way it will have to be."


SYESHA MERCADO
"I remember you. You were in that Florida commercial, weren't you?"

SCORES - TOP 9 - RAMIELE MALU BYE BYE

The last "amateur" in the competition is gone!

Normally I would have posted these scores earlier, but due to a mixture of me being out of town and an investigation into the cheating methods of Seacrest Out - it took a while. The investigation is still open by the way.

Well, Ramiele was sent home this week and it was about time. She was actually worse than Kristy - who you would think would go home next week. But I have an outside theory about who will be voted off next week ...

I think Archie is going to throw the competition for three main reasons.
1. Get back at his overly-controlling dad
2. He doesn't like being the shortest contestant
3. (The main reason) He saw how Kristy Lee buried Ramiele's head in her cleavage this past Wednesday night to keep her from crying. He has to get voted out before Kristy leaves or he might not ever have an opportunity like that again.

Now, on to the scores. The weekly winner was .... .... Seacrest Out*. They took a bit of a gamble and it paid off.* They should be proud of themselves.* Meanwhile, JC moves her way up to a tie for 2nd place with the honest, non-cheating PaulaTics.

Remember the scores are listed as follows ...
Team - Top12 - Season - Wk9PPPicks - Wk9Bonus - Wk9Total

Seacrest Out* - 56 191 8 13 21
Thaddeus Glapp - 59 180 9 10 19
Yo Yo Dawg - 52 52 9 10 19
Badnewz - 50 147 9 9 18
Team35 - 60 182 9 8 17
Bessie Moo - 57 172 7 10 17
JC - 56 184 9 8 17
Simonsays - 53 168 9 8 17
profB - 52 175 9 8 17
Sanjaya Rocks - 50 174 7 9 16
Zebra Fight - 43 171 8 8 16
AMightyWin - 55 55 9 6 15
PaulaTics - 54 184 6 8 14
The Indiananans - 49 170 7 7 14
Fire and Ice - 55 163 7 6 13
Team Shivers - 47 167 7 6 13
Leftcoaster - 53 53 7 5 12
Team Hasselhoff - 33 133 9 1 10
Idolsmith - 46 156 7 1 8

*But they cheated

BONUS PICKS - FINAL 9

Time to make your bonus picks. Once again - divide 15 points among three contestants giving each one AT LEAST one point (YoYoDawg didn't follow this rule last week - shame on you).

Here is a picture of Christian singer Jason Castro not smoking marijuana

A few thoughts from last night's show ...

Johnsie (as Mrs. Commish affectionately calls him) is back. It was hard to think of Dolly writing the "Sexy loving" part - but whatever.

Dolly Parton is awesome. For someone who is so unnatural looking at times, she is very comfortable in her "own" skin.

I thought Total Recall (Carly) did a great job. I liked that slower version of the song and she sang the crap out of it. She only made the Eddie Vedder face once or twice. It was crap for Simon to pee himself over Archie and put Carly down. She actually did great.

"You are ... ... ... ... ... Brooke White!" - Paula Abdul to ... ... ... ... Brooke White.

Mrs. Commish loved KKKristy's dress. That was the best part of the performance. It wasn't bad, just whatever.

How is it that I found myself thinking that David Cook might have the strongest vocals of all of the finalists? He sounded less butt-rock last night. NEWS UPDATE - Davy was rushed to the hospital last night for "heart palpitations and high blood pressure". Supposedly he is stressed about his brother who has brain cancer and had some sort of setback this week.

Brooke White should not have played guitar last night. Not only did it give her the intense strum look the whole performance, but her guitar playing sucked. She kept rushing the dude on the Cajon. I was actually really turned off by the way she transitioned from G to C to Am. I know it is picky, but I can't help it.

Jason Castro did a good job singing a song made famous by a Transvestite movie. I am sure Team IdolSmith was giddy with excitement that he sang about Jesus. That makes me happy too. He had just better hope that they don't do any random locker searches.

Syesha should have known better than to try to sing that song. She actually sounded pretty darn good, but after she started into the Whitney part I had to pause it and have this conversation with the wife ...
"Do you remember watching Whitney sing this song?"
"Yes."
"She was amazing."
"Yeah she was!"
"I mean incredible."
"Sho nuff, dawg."
Actually, I don't remember how the conversation ended. The point is that no matter how good Syesha was, she could never be that good. That is why one should always sing Gloria Estefan or Fergie songs because the original vocal already sucks.

Archie was the same old Archie. He got to sing about Jesus as well - you know - that guy Joseph Smith was always rambling on about. His vocals were good but they are getting kind of boring to me.

Ramie.....zzzzzzzzzzzz