Fantasy American Idol

If you are looking for the 2009 season ...

2009-01-28T22:09:00.000-08:00

And The Winner Is ...

2008-05-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

SEACREST OUT

I know. It is not a huge surprise. Although it is disconcerting that a newcomer could be so dominant, it does make me feel a little better that it is the one music business person we have stayed with for the last decade. He must know what he is doing. Thanks to Seacrest Out's prediction picks, he jumped to a huge lead in the Top 12 competition as well.
There were a few other people who took huge leaps on this last night as well. Sanjaya Rocks jumped into third place overall and 2nd place in the Top 12 by putting all his money on Archie and getting an extra 10 points for picking Archie to go at the #2 spot. I will get to the actual scores in a bit, but first there are a few matters of business since this will probably be the last post you will read on here for the next 8 months or so.

1. Recap of Finale
2. Awards
3. Exit Interview
4. Standings

1. RECAP
I never knew last night's show would be such a shocker. Not really because of what happened in the show - but because my TiVo was saying there was less than one minute left of recorded show and they hadn't announced the winner yet. Then Seacrest said ... "David ... Cook" and it cut off. The only thing I was watching for was to see who won and what the reaction was. I was robbed of the reaction and only saw the winner in the last 5 seconds of my TiVo recording. Why were they running out of time in a two hour show? Because they were busy whoring the show out for the first hour and 59 minutes to anyone who needed some publicity.

Mike Myers reached a new low in a video promoting his movie with Archie and Cook. He then reached a new new low when he came out live on stage to make predictions about the winner. "His name will be David." Gee. We didn't see that coming from a mile away. How did the man who brought us So I Married An Axe Murderer and Wayne's World become so much like Bob Saget. Other than that shameless shameless promotion, they had to add the usual Ford bits, Archie dancing in his regulation mormon underwear for Guitar Hero (I actually thought he did a good job except for his gaspy smile on his face the whole time) and guest appearances from more than a handful of artists who haven't even made it out of their nursing homes since Clinton was president.

The "big" special guest at the end was George Michael. Not only did he look kind of weird, he sang a song that not only made me long for a 90 second version like they normally sing on this show, but it made me want to slit my wrist - with a chainsaw. When it was over of course Seacrest had to talk about his upcoming tour because what would a performance be without a commercial? George Michael had time after the plug to say that he had a cold - which must have been the reason that he sounded off. I thought the judges said early on in this competition that real performers don't blame their sickness - they push through it. So it was finally clear that George Michael is not a real performer. (Of course Mrs. Commish was loving it. She used to write him fan mail. She didn't know then that he was far from interested in her.)

There were many other performances from all of the top 12 contestants.
It was good to see that Amanda Overmyer was back on the sauce. Her drunken stagger was just right.
We saw David Hernandez whisper the word "naked" while singing Father Figure. When he said that word he looked over at Johnsie and smiled. It was a little awkward.
In one of the early songs we saw that Castro sounds great as long as he stays in his range - but when he gets outside of those four notes he starts to sound questionable.
I rewound the TiVo at least six times to watch Brooke attempt her dance moves. I kept looking for the marionette strings from her elbows but they were hidden pretty well.
Syesha seemed much better than she ever was in the competition when she was singing with Seal. For that matter - same with Carly. The pressure must have been too much early on.

All in all, one thing I realized last night is that iTunes has changed the face of American Idol forever. It seemed like they were cranking out all of these songs last night just to have more to sell. Now that they know they can make millions every week on iTunes - it seems like it will drive every thought making process in the whole show.

So the show ended with David Cook winning by a whopping 12 million votes. We didn't get to hear him sing the finalist song - but I know I could look it up on YouTube if I really cared to see it. Fact is - I am over it. I am looking forward to next year - as you should be as well. The competition seems to get more fierce every year and next year we should have our own website. If you know folks who should be in the league, e-mail me and I will add them to my mailing list for next January.

2. AWARDS

Full Season:
First Place: Seacrest Out
Second Place: ProfB
Third Place: Sanjaya Rocks
Last Place: BadNewz

Top 12 Season:
First Place: Seacrest Out
Second Place: Sanjaya Rocks
Third Place: ProfB
Last Place: The New Last Place

White Trash Talker: (most trash talking) ProfB - he is always good for some sass.
Moster Poster: (the award for the most posts - 86) IdolSmith - I loved getting the notifications in my e-mail everytime Mrs.Idolsmith left a comment. The time stamps would be 10:23 pm ... 10:27 pm ... 10:30 pm ... 10:55 pm ... 1:25 am ... 6:50 am. As a creator of this monster, it brings me great joy to see someone so dedicated to the game.
Early Bird: Thaddeus Glapp - Good old Thaddeus was usually the first to post his picks. He was a pioneer - not afraid of anyone else stealing his good ideas.
Fall From Grace: Zebra Fight - he was doing so well early on and then just tanked - finishing just above the Three Amigos in the top 12 competition.
The Three Amigos: Team Hasselhoff, BadNewz and YoYoDawg - these teams stuck together at the bottom of the barrel. Even if they guessed the winner before Hollywood and predicted the top three finishers in order before the final 12 started, they still would be about 40 points behind the leader. There is always next year.

My son's kindergarten teacher made awards for every student so they felt special - I don't have the time for that so I am going to stop there. I do want to give a special thanks to Team35 for hosting the awesome party and getting the contest prizes. I want to thank IdolSmith once again for donating the food (including the cookies) for the party. I want to thank Rickey at Rickey.org for an easy place to steal photos from for this blog. I also want to thank Mrs. Idolsmith for raising the bar for commitment to American Idol. And thank the rest of you for making it so fun.

3. EXIT INTERVIEW
This league was formed back in 2002 during the first season. It was just us and Team 35 sending Word documents back and forth. Last year was the first year we utilized a website and invited other teams. This year we had 20 teams. In all that time - the scoring aspects of the game have had to adapt quite a bit.
If you have any suggestions on how to make the league better - I am all ears. Any of you who know me know that I love math, spreadsheets and making up rules for stuff like this - so I would love to find ways to make it even more fair and accurate - you know, like Fox News.
For example, I don't think I set the point values for the Pre-Hollywood picks quite high enough. ProfB deserves more than 10 points for picking David Cook to be the winner 15 weeks ago.
Or for another example, we started out having three bonus picks worth 8,5 and 2 and then switched to an "assign your own points" method after the top 12. Should we do it that way throughout the competition - or keep it like it was this year.
If you have any ideas - just leave them as comments on this post.

4. STANDINGS
Congratulations once again to Seacrest Out. Here are the final standings ...

FULL SEASON
1. Seacrest Out
2. ProfB
3. Sanjaya Rocks
4. JC
5. PaulaTics
6. (t) Bessie Moo
6. (t) Team 35
8. Thaddeus Glapp
9. Fire & Ice
10. The Indiananans
11. Team Shivers
12. Simonsays
13. Zebra Fight
14. IdolSmith
15. Team Hasselhoff
16. BadNewz

TOP 12 SEASON
1. Seacrest Out
2. Sanjaya Rocks
3. ProfB
4. Fire & Ice
5. Bessie Moo
6. Team 35
7. AMightyWin
8. Thaddeus Glapp
9. JC
10. (t) Paulatics
10. (t) The Indiananans
12. (t) Simonsays
12. (t) Team Shivers
14. Leftcoaster
15. IdolSmith
16. Zebra Fight
17. Badnewz
18. Team Hasselhoff
19. Yo Yo Dawg
20. The New Last Place

BONUS PICKS - BOXING MATCH

2008-05-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Time for the bonus picks. You have 10 points to use. Give the points to the person you think will be voted OFF. Of course, you could split the points to play it safe if you really want.

Although Seacrest Out has a commanding lead - it is mathematically possible for someone else to take the lead after tonight's result. One weird thing is I actually thought I would be picking Archie as an underdog last night. Shows what I know.

Now for some thoughts from last night's show ...

- Was anyone else hoping that they would actually fight each other with those boxing gloves? David Cook looked ready to throw some punches. Archie looked like he was swatting at butterflies. Poor kid. All of the tough photo opportunities where they were supposed to look competitive had Cook looking serious and Gaspy with a smile on his face.

- How was it that I actually enjoyed "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" and didn't fall asleep? Archie really did bring his A game.

- Did anyone else hear Randy say something about this being the year 2007? It isn't, is it?

- As Simonsays said, it was very entertaining to watch Paula turn every song title into a compliment. Cook's first song got "You still haven't found what you're looking for - but we have." She told Archie that the sun is not going to go down on him. I figured that she was going to do it for every song, but they must have edited that part out. In order that you will not be deprived of some of Paula's comments - here they are for the other songs (in my best estimation).

(David Cook sang Dream Big)
"David, you have been dreaming big but this is not a dream anymore. This is reality. And you are a big star. You should be singing 'Reality Big' ."

(Archie sang In This Moment)
"Let me tell you something, Gaspy. In this moment I just peed my pants because of your cuteness."

(David Cook sang The World I Know)
"Well the world I know is crazy about David Cook. The world I know wants to hear your record. The world I know has posters of you on the ceiling so that I can look at you when I lay comatose on the floor from taking all of my 'prescription' meds."

(Archie sang Imagine)
"Imagine? I can imagine. I can imagine just squeezing your cute little cheeks, then hugging you so tight, then wrapping you up with duct tape, then putting you in the trunk of my car, then taking you home, then giving you ice skates, then giving you a phone book, then putting you inside a life-size snow globe, then shaking it up, then watching you ice skate in circles while singing the phone book. Ahh. Heaven."

ARCHIE vs. COOK - PP PICKS

2008-05-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

We are finally to the end of the road. Tomorrow night all the fun will be over. Although the game is not as fun at this point as it was 12 weeks ago, there is still more playing to do. Here is how the points will work these next two nights.
For the PP Picks - you give 5 points to the person you think is going to be voted off. Leave that pick as a comment to THIS post.
Tomorrow (just so you know) for the bonus picks - you will have 10 points to use however you want. If you want to put it all on Archie - you can. If you want to put it all on Cook - you can. If you want to put it all on Luke Menard - I guess you can do that too. But whatever you do, save that bonus pick for tomorrow's post.
Good luck to you all.

SCORES - FINAL 3 - Byeeesha

2008-05-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

Ok - Sorry I have slacked off with my commissioner duties. Things have been busy here - so I will get straight to the scores. Basically everyone gave Syesha the highest ranking in their PP Picks. Most people gave her all 15 bonus points. Team 35 gave her 14, profB gave her 12 and Zebra Fight gave her 10.
I also added in a couple of bonus points. Each team that predicted Syesha going out at 3rd place in their Prediction Picks got 10 bonus points. Unfortunately one of those teams was Seacrest Out. The others were Fire & Ice, Sanjaya Rocks and TheNewLastPlace. Badnewz and Hasselhoff each got 3 bonus points for their pre-Hollywood prediction. I realize now that those picks should have been worth more - but oh well.

Here are the standings with all of those points added.

TEAM NAME / TOP 12 SCORE / FULL SEASON SCORE

Seacrest Out - 170 305
profB - 160 283
JC - 153 281
PaulaTics - 150 280
Fire and Ice - 166 274
Sanjaya Rocks - 150 274
The Indiananans - 150 271
Thaddeus Glapp - 149 270
Team35 - 142 264
Simonsays - 148 263
Bessie Moo - 143 258
Team Shivers - 138 258
Zebra Fight - 129 257
Idolsmith - 126 236
Team Hasselhoff - 131 231
Badnewz - 133 230
AMightyWin - 155 155
Leftcoaster - 141 141
Yo Yo Dawg - 130 130
The New Last Place - 93 93

FINAL 3 - BONUS PICKS

2008-05-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

Time for your bonus picks. Same as last week - 15 total points. Divide them however you want.
Some thoughts from last night:

Paula totally gave Archie the easy ride with the Billy Joel song. I was reminded what a great song that was.

Randy totally gave Syesha the easy ride with that Alicia Keys song. One problem - she couldn't really hit notes in the chorus and it didn't sound half as good as Alicia's version. I was reminded of how much I like that song.

Simon was trying to give David C a challenge but if the song has a long verse that starts out low and then goes into a chorus that at ends on a long high note - that is right up Cookie's alley.

I was reminded that David Cook still sounds like poop in a blender when he sings those low notes.

I like Switchfoot's version MUCH better.

Paula actually made sense for most of the night.

"Boo"? Really?

"My personal song choice is Fever?" What?

I was afraid that Syesha was about to jump Rickey Minor when he was playing that upright bass.

Were all of Cook's songs 30 seconds long? I am not saying that I wanted more - just saying they seemed very incomplete.

Simon dissed a Dan Fogelberg song. It wasn't Archie's choice.

Aerosmith was much better. Come to think of it - David Cook was outdone by all of the original versions.

I am not sure how to feel about Dianne Warren.

FINAL 3 - PP Picks

2008-05-13T06:53:00.001-07:00

Time to make your PP Picks for the final 3. There is a 4x multiplier this week.

Gaspy

I got this fine illustration from VoteForTheWorst.com. That site is so pathetic because it has changed its contestant fifty times this year. So now that they are down to the final three - they decide that they are going to support Archie. How daring of you guys.
However, I do like the puppet and I love the name they have given Archuleta - Gaspy. That is pretty funny.

Prediction Pick Points for TOP THREE

2008-05-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

We made our Prediction Picks at the beginning of the Top 12 - picking the final three in order. You get an automatic 5 points for each of your picks that actually made it to the final three - and then will get an extra 10 points if they finish in the spot that you predicted them to finish in.
So for now - we are just awarding the points for getting your contestants into the final three.

ProfB was the only person who correctly picked the final three. That is pretty amazing. Job well done, cowboy.

15 points (3 in final three) - ProfB

10 points (2 in final three) - Shivers, Paulatics, JC, Hasselhoff, Indiananans, Seacrest Out, Sanjaya Rocks, Fire and Ice, Thaddeus Glapp, Zebra Fight, AMightyWin, The New Last Place, Leftcoaster

5 points (1 in final three) - Simonsays, BadNewz, Team35, IdolSmith, Bessie Moo, YoYoDawg

Just for your reference, here are the picks ...

Team Shivers 1 Archuleta 2 D Cook 3 Smithson
PaulaTics 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D Cook
Simonsays 1 Archuleta 2 White 3 Smithson
Badnewz 1 Archuleta 2 Smithson 3 Johns
JC 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Castro
profB 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 D Cook
Team35 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 White
Team Hasselhoff 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D Cook
The Indiananans 1 Archuleta 2 White 3 D Cook
Seacrest Out 1 Johns 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Sanjaya Rocks 1 Johns 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Fire and Ice 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 Mercado
T & J Smith 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 Johns
Bessie Moo 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 White
Thaddeus Glapp 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Johns
Zebra Fight 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 D Cook
AMightyWin 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Castro
The New Last Place 1 Smithson 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Leftcoaster 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D. Cook
Yo-Yo Dawg 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 Smithson

SCORES - FINAL 4 - If he wasn't smoking weed before ...

2008-05-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry this took a while. Life always seems to get crazy towards the end of AI season.

As we all know Castro got voted out. Syesha somehow made it to the final three. Archie is totally boring. Cook is annoying. I am starting to wish Neil Diamond would come back for another performance.

Here are the scores. Once again TheNewLastPlace was among the weekly winners. Once again they made their PRE-performance picks POST performance. That is a great strategy to get weekly winner. Once again I will count it because they can't come back.
Team - Top12 - Season - Wk4PPPicks - Wk4Bonus - Wk4Total

Seacrest Out - 123 258 12 15 27
Fire and Ice - 119 227 12 15 27
AMightyWin - 118 118 12 15 27
Simonsays - 116 231 12 15 27
The Indiananans - 113 234 12 15 27
The New Last Place - 73 73 12 15 27
profB - 121 244 12 13 25
JC - 116 244 9 15 24
Thaddeus Glapp - 112 233 9 15 24
Leftcoaster - 104 104 9 15 24
Sanjaya Rocks - 103 227 9 15 24
Badnewz - 98 195 9 15 24
Team35 - 111 233 9 13 22
Zebra Fight - 97 225 12 10 22
Bessie Moo - 111 226 6 15 21
Team Shivers - 101 221 9 12 21
Idolsmith - 94 204 9 12 21
Yo Yo Dawg - 98 98 12 8 20
PaulaTics - 113 243 9 10 19
Team Hasselhoff - 91 191 9 8 17

BONUS PICKS - FINAL 4

2008-05-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

This was the picture in Jason's mind while he was singing last night.

Time for the Bonus Picks. Same as last week - 15 points divided up however you want.

There were at least a few moments last week when I felt like just shooting myself to avoid having to watch the rest of the show. As much as I wasn't a huge fan of Carly - the show was better when she and Johnsie were in it. Who am I supposed to care about now?

I know the answer is supposed to be Jason Castro (IdolSmith) and I think that is actually who I care the most about. I think he is a goofball. He might not be a stoner but he might be a little more coherent if he was. It sure does seem, though, that he doesn't want to be in the competition anymore. I am not a Syesha fan but at least she really seemed to bring it emotionally. I say if he wants to go home - he should probably go.

Remember when Kristy Lee Cook got voted off? Nobody picked her because it was right after her best performance. Same with Carly. So even though most people thought Syesha would be going before the performances last night - it could be a surprise that she is actually voted off considering how badly Jason Castroted those songs. Who knows?

As for Davy Cook? I never thought I would say this but you could give him a face-transplant using Tyne Daly's face and it would be an improvement at this point. I can't stand to see his smug facial expressions one more time. On top of that, I thought his songs last night sucked. The first one helped me realize how great Simon Le Bon's voice really was. The second song sucked too. He only picked it so that he could sing that long high note - which wasn't really that great. Could he be folding under the pressure?

I would have some comments about David Archuleta but I think I fell asleep after the first 15 seconds of each of his performances. Stand By Me? Love Me Tender? Really? His record is going to be as exciting as Mannheim Steamroller's Romantic Themes record. The sad thing is that he has a really nice voice technically.

At this point I would be happy if they brought Jason Yeager back.

FINAL FOUR - PP Picks

2008-05-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

It has come to this - Archie, Syesha, David Cocky and John Travolta. Can Syesha make it into the final 3 with the boys? We will soon find out. In the meantime - make your PP Picks ranking them 1-4. Since we are down to the final four - the multiplier this week is now x3. That means that the picks are really worth 12, 9, 6 and 3 points. (Hint: the multiplier next week will be x4) Remember - this is still anyone's game. By anyone I mean the Paulatics.

Tonights songs will be the "Songs that Shaped Rock & Roll" which is from a list made by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Here are the songs that each contestant is hoping to find on that list.

JASON CASTRO
Red Red Wine - UB40
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
The Joker - Steve Miller Band
Smoking My Ganja - Capital Letters

DAVID COOK
I Am So Awesome - David Cook Original
I Touch Myself - Divinyls
You're The Best - Joe Esposito
Simply The Best - Tina Turner

SYESHA MERCADO
Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Loser - Beck
Ain't Goin Down 'Till The Sun Comes Up - Garth Brooks
Milkshake - Kelis

DAVID ARCHULETA
Earth Angel - The Penguins
Mickey - Tony Basil
A Whole New World - Aladdin Soundtrack
Seventeen - Winger

SCORES - FINAL 5 - SOMEWHERE BROOKE IS CRYING

2008-05-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

Well the crying nanny was sent home today. We no longer have to endure those overly-sincere looks into the camera, the talkback during the judges comments and the slouchy gumby-looking seated guitar playing style.

The weekly winner this week was TheNewLastPlace whose picks should actually be disqualified because they made their PPPicks on Wednesday night - but since they are so far down and have no chance of even moving up to 19th place, I figured I would let them have it. It also keeps my team from being the weekly winner which would probably bring up cries of foul play.

Speaking of cries of foul play - I saw Seacrest Out's comment on how strange it was that I changed the rules for the bonus picks then gave all 15 points to Brooke and heavily benefited from my rule change. Well, first I will say that the rule change was inspired by your cohort Sanjaya Rocks. Secondly I will say that you, too, could have given Brooke 15 points. Thirdly I will say that someone else could have been voted off - then I would look like a fool rather than a genius. Fourthly - and most important - it says somewhere in the bylaws that if you make such accusations against the commissioner then you shall be docked 8 points. Funny. That would put my team in the lead. What a coincidence.

Before we get to the scores - let us not forget about our bonus picks that will start adding up very soon. The Pre-Hollywood pick bonus points will only be added to the full season total. Three of the picks are still standing: Syesha (badnewz, Hasselhoff), David Cook (profB), and David Archuleta (Bessie Moo). The person who makes it the farthest gets 10 points. The person who makes it the 2nd farthest will get 6 points and the one who gets voted off first will get 3 bonus points. Too bad Josiah Leming isn't still in the competition or Seacrest Out might be eligible for some bonus points.

We also have the Prediction Picks to take into account. Each team gets 5 automatic points from each one of their prediction picks that makes it into the final 3 and an extra 10 points for each one predicted to go in the right spot. This could make a major difference in the outcome. For the record - nobody picked David Cook to win.

Now on to this week's scores. (I did not get PP Picks from Indiananans or YoYoDawg)

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk5PPPicks - Wk5Bonus - Wk5Total

The New Last Place - 46 46 10 15 25
PaulaTics - 94 224 8 15 23
Team Hasselhoff - 74 174 6 15 21
JC - 92 220 8 8 16
Bessie Moo - 90 205 8 8 16
The Indiananans - 78 199 8 7 15
Seacrest Out - 96 231 6 8 14
profB - 96 219 6 8 14
AMightyWin - 91 91 8 5 13
Team Shivers - 80 200 8 5 13
Sanjaya Rocks - 79 203 8 5 13
Zebra Fight - 75 203 10 3 13
Team35 - 89 211 8 4 12
Fire and Ice - 92 200 8 3 11
Simonsays - 89 204 8 3 11
Badnewz - 74 171 8 2 10
Thaddeus Glapp - 88 209 8 0 8
Leftcoaster - 80 80 8 0 8
Idolsmith - 73 183 8 0 8
Yo Yo Dawg - 78 78 6 6

FINAL 5 - BONUS PICKS

2008-04-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late posts. I have been working on a number of things - not the least of which is my new website that I designed. It is so awesome. I digress ...

**RULE CHANGE** **TAKE NOTE**

The structure of the bonus picks is different the next few weeks. You still have 15 points - but you can use them in any way you want. You can give all 15 to one contestant or you can give three points to all five contestants. I don't care.
I don't have any comments from last night because I haven't seen the show yet. Of course I heard about Paula's mental meltdown and the general feeling that there aren't many people to pull for anymore - except, of course, Jason "Doobie" Castro. I also remember hearing Mrs. Commish (who watched it last night without me) say that David Cook's head has gotten so big that his hair is doing crazy things. Oh - and that Brooke's performance was very uncomfortable to watch. I can't wait to see the show.

FINAL 5 - PP Picks

2008-04-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

This week's PP Picks will still be worth double the points. Rank the contestants 1-5.

It is Neil Diamond week. Is it just me or are they making it difficult for the contestants to sing anything that is relevant for this day and time. Of course, I have no idea what is really relevant to this day and time.

Here are your lucky contestants with their pros and cons listed for your assistance.

BROOKE WHITE
Pros: Only white girl, seems nice, OK voice within her range
Cons: White girl, only seems nice, has three note range.

JASON CASTRO
Pros: looks?, originality, if he gets voted off he won't remember it
Cons: looks?, mentally checked out, bad role model with all of the pot smoking and stuff (hehe)

DAVID COOK
Pros: sells a lot on iTunes, can actually sing, knows when to say no to old British men pretending to be 17 year-old girls
Cons: Annoying, Pompous, Arrogant, Worthy, Butt-rockerness, hair

SYESHA MERCADO
Pros: looks, only African American contestant, looks more comfortable than Brooke
Cons: The boys are better, she is still just a bit off vocally, she looks totally different every week

DAVID ARCHULETA
Pros: every girl under 15 loves him, good voice
Cons: every girl under 15 loves him, his lips, his dad, that goofy smile

SCORES - FINAL 6 - Carly is Gone

2008-04-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

It was bound to happen sometime. At least she was sent home after getting good comments from Simon. Actually, I think that is what got her sent home - not the comments but the way that t-shirt bounced when she held it up to her chest.

Anyways - no time for comments. On to the scores. Get ready for Neil Diamond week next week.

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk6PPPicks - Wk6Bonus - Wk6Total

Fire and Ice - 65 173 12 4 16
Simonsays - 62 177 12 4 16
Seacrest Out - 67 202 10 5 15
profB - 67 190 10 5 15
AMightyWin - 65 65 8 5 13
Team Hasselhoff - 41 141 12 0 12
The Indiananans - 60 181 10 1 11
JC - 66 194 6 4 10
Yo Yo Dawg - 62 62 10 0 10
PaulaTics - 61 191 10 0 10
Team Shivers - 57 177 10 0 10
Zebra Fight - 52 180 10 0 10
Leftcoaster - 63 63 8 1 9
Idolsmith - 56 166 8 1 9
Team35 - 69 191 8 0 8
Bessie Moo - 66 181 8 0 8
Sanjaya Rocks - 58 182 8 0 8
Badnewz - 57 154 6 1 7
Thaddeus Glapp - 74 195 6 0 6

FINAL 6 - BONUS PICKS

2008-04-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

Time for your bonus picks. You know the drill - divide 15 points among 3 contestants.

The party last night was much fun. Thanks again to IdolSmith for providing the food and to Team 35 for hosting. Next year's party will be even better.

Last night's show was a great one to watch with 20 IdolSchmidolers other than the fact that it felt short with only 6 singers that I really don't care about. Here are some of the highlights that I remember ...

Syesha giving us a demonstration of a non-dramatic and a dramatic performance.

The piano flub.

"Glamour-puss"

Castro acting clueless once again.

Brooke stopping and starting again.

Paula telling Brooke that she should never stop and start - obviously forgetting that she loved it the last time Brooke did that.

Brooke's awkward fake sincerity with Sir Andrew and with all of us during her performance.

Carly and her bouncing t-shirt.

Sir Andrew wanting to be a 17 year old girl while David Cook wanted to run out of the room.

"Grasp It"

Archuleta joined on stage by all 7 of his wives.

"Sensual"

David Cook's "sexy" look at the camera.

FINAL 6 - PP Picks

2008-04-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Time for the Final 6 PP Picks. You know what to do. Rank these contestants 1-6.
The only difference this week will be the MULTIPLIER. Since we are down to the final 6, we will multiply the value of your PP pick by 2. So whoever you give 6 points is really getting 12 and so on. This allows for some more substantial point differences between the picks.

Tonight we will have the greatest party in IdolSchmidol history. Sorry to you folks who can't make it. Let me just say that there will be trivia prizes that will blow your mind.

In honor of GMA week, I will interview each of the following contestants with some question that would be common to the interviews going on right now at the Renaissance Hotel in Nashville between people like ProfB and guys with spiky hair who are wearing girl jeans and scarves in the 70+ degree weather.

BROOKE WHITE
Q: What is your life verse?
A: "Their names were blotted out, and they were not numbered among the people of Christ." - Book of Moroni 6:7 (Book of Mormon)

JASON CASTRO
Q: What is in your car's CD player right now?
A: The weed I was trying to hide from the cops when they pulled me over.

CARLY SMITHSON
Q: So tell us about how you were saved?
A: Well, you see, I thought I was going to be voted out two weeks ago, but my good friend Michael Johns was voted out instead.

DAVID COOK
Q: Tell us about your church.
A: My church is a place called the dressing room. The altar is a mirror where I get to see the great David Cook staring back at me and I immediately start worshiping.

SYESHA MERCADO
Q: How long have you been traveling with the Winans?
A: I have never traveled with them. I am Syesha Mercado from American Idol. And no - I wasn't in Out of Eden or Annointed either. You, Mr. ProfB, are quite racist.

DAVID ARCHULETA
Q: What would you like to hear God say when you get to heaven?
A: Hey David. Your planet is right over here.

SCORES - TOP 7 - Kristy Lee Rides Off Into The Sunset - Glapp is Weekly Winner

2008-04-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

Kristy can now return to her husband and 4 kids.

Well the girl who invented the Country Crouch and the Saddle Squat has been voted off. The strange thing is that she has been on the chopping block for so long - but was apparently more of a surprise this week than Michael Johns was last week. Only one team gave her any points in their bonus picks (Thaddeus Glapp). Maybe that was because this was arguably her best performance of the whole competition. At least she went out on top. I am sure Archie is still upset he won't be comforted by her bosom when he gets voted out like Ramiele was - but he will just have to settle with feeling David Cook's soul patch brush against his cheek.

So kudos to Thaddeus Glapp. Not only did he jump to the top of the Final 12 competition, but he leaped into 2nd place in the overall competition. You are a genius, my friend. On the other hand, my team put up the worst point total of the week and dropped to 4th in the overall competition. We are losing our power. Here are the scores ...

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk7PPPicks - Wk7Bonus - Wk7Total

Thaddeus Glapp - 74 195 7 5 12
Team35 - 69 191 7 0 7
Seacrest Out - 67 202 7 0 7
profB - 67 190 7 0 7
JC - 66 194 7 0 7
Fire and Ice - 65 173 7 0 7
Leftcoaster - 63 63 7 0 7
Yo Yo Dawg - 62 62 7 0 7
The Indiananans - 60 181 7 0 7
Team Shivers - 57 177 7 0 7
Badnewz - 57 154 7 0 7
Idolsmith - 56 166 7 0 7
Zebra Fight - 52 180 7 0 7
AMightyWin - 65 65 6 0 6
Simonsays - 62 177 6 0 6
Bessie Moo - 66 181 5 0 5
Sanjaya Rocks - 58 182 5 0 5
Team Hasselhoff - 41 141 5 0 5
PaulaTics - 61 191 4 0 4

FINAL 7 - BONUS PICKS

2008-04-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

Time to get your bonus picks in. You know the drill - 15 points divided among 3 contestants giving each one at LEAST one point.

The final 7 pose with a life-size Mariah Carey cut-out.

Last night was kind of a night of surprises for me ...

I realized that Mariah actually has some artistic credibility.
Kristy Lee was one of the strongest female performances of the evening.
I didn't like David Cook's song (no surprise) but the judges shat themselves again.
Syesha didn't capitalize on Mariah week
Brooke didn't use a band (bad choice)

Speaking of Brooke - Mrs. Commish watched the performances before I got home and watched them again with me. She warned me that I might not be able to stand watching Brooke's performance. She knows me too well. The piano playing wasn't that good to start with, but after the bridge when Brooke started shaking and bumped the song tempo up a good 6 bps I couldn't bear to look at the TV. It was like watching that scene in Escape To Victory, the soccer movie with Pele, Sylvester Stallone and Michael Caine, when they had to break the goalie's leg so Sly could travel with the team of P.O.W.s and lead them to freedom through the Nazi's drained swimming pool (It is a great movie by the way). You know what is going to happen when they prop that poor goalie's leg up between two boards but you just can't bear to watch it. I actually think Brooke's performance was worse.

Speaking of bad, David Cook once again turned in a low-in-his-register first verse of a song that sounded like poop in a blender. He then butt-rocked his way through the first chorus and then sang power notes over the professional background singers singing the second chorus by themselves. I didn't like it at all. Then the judges thought it was awesome and then Davy pulled a "Hillary Clinton" (as Mrs. Commish said) and pretended to get all emotional after the judges comments. I am over this dude and hope he doesn't win.

Speaking of being over something, during Archie's performance last night I officially announced that I was over his voice. He has a really nice voice and I like his different approach to his little tricks and runs, but I am just plain bored of it. He needs to shake things up a bit and sing something totally against the grain - like a Marilyn Manson song.

Speaking of Marilyn Manson, Carly still looks freaky when she sings. I wonder who finds such freaky facial expressions attractive - Oh, I know - the guy that has his body covered in tattoos and piercings.

Speaking of piercing, Syesha just can't seem to land a big note and it kind of hurts.

Speaking of hurting, those girls must be pained that Kristy Lee Cook - who was at the bottom of everyone's list long before the final 12 - was arguably the best female. I say arguably because I don't think that Carly did a bad job - but Kristy actually sounded the best that I think she has ever sounded on this show.

Speaking of this show, Jason Castro was on it last night. He did a decent job which led to the first ever coherent/quasi-funny comeback that Paula has ever said about a Luau.

Speaking of the first ever coherent/quasi-funny thing that Paula said, the moment was quickly spoiled as she began rambling about beef and poi. Sometimes it is best to just shut up - but Paula is never one to miss an opportunity to sound like a lunatic.

Speaking of missing something, we miss Johnsie (which is a much better nickname than MJ).

FINAL 7 - PP Picks

2008-04-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Time for the final 7 PP Picks. This is the last week before the PP Pick amounts double - so just rank the contestants 1-7 .

This is Mariah Carey week. That means that everyone will start the show being cute and respectable, then they will get a divorce, then they will turn into dirty hip-hop artists who wear clothes that are 4 sizes too small for them, then they will make lots of money from a record label - all while singing in whistle tones. It should be great. Good luck to the guys trying to find a Mariah Carey song to sing.

Here are your lucky contestants and the things they have in common with Mariah Carey ...

BROOKE WHITE
Curly hair (early Mariah)
Purity (early Mariah)
Huge earrings

JASON CASTRO
Smokes pot
Air-headedness
"Go with the Flow" attitude

CARLY SMITHSON
Big voice
Desperate

KRISTY LEE COOK
Nothing whatsoever

DAVID COOK
Likes to cover other people's songs
Chest hair

DAVID ARCHULETA
Parts of Mariah are the same age as David
Love of Butterflies

SYESHA MERCADO
Big smile
Racial Ambiguity

IDOLSCHMIDOL PARTY

2008-04-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

We thought it would be great to mix the two greatest musical events - GMA Week and American Idol so you should be getting an e-mail about the first annual IdolSchmidol party. It will be next Tuesday (the 22nd which also happens to be Earth Day). It will start at 6:30 PM (post-dinner) and we will watch the awesome performances together. If you don't get an e-mail about it soon, then get in touch with me and I will give you the details. Hopefully we can catch some of the out-of-towners while they are here for the GMA festivities.

SCORES - TOP 8 - JOHNSIE LEAVES, PROFB WEEKLY WINNER

2008-04-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Johnsie is gone and it is still hard to believe. But it is probably better for him. He can get out of this competition and actually make a good record. Wait - I forgot that he has to travel around with the rest of the finalists and do concerts with lame songs and choreography. Well, as soon as he is done paying his debt to the devil he can get on with his own career.

Meanwhile, Johnsie's departure left us with low scores this week. Most people put it all on the line for Carly or Syesha. Only three people put Johnsie in their bonus picks. ProfB gave him 4 points in his bonus picks. What do you have against Johnsie, prof? Congratulations on being such a great fortune teller.

Here are the scores for the week ... (by the way - I didn't get PP Picks from the Badnewz Broadwells - so let me know if you actually made them but had posting problems or something)

Team - Top12 - Season - Wk8PPPicks - Wk8Bonus - Wk8Total

profB - 60 183 4 4 8
Bessie Moo - 61 176 2 2 4
Seacrest Out - 60 195 4 0 4
AMightyWin - 59 59 3 1 4
The Indiananans - 53 174 4 0 4
Thaddeus Glapp - 62 183 3 0 3
JC - 59 187 3 0 3
Fire and Ice - 58 166 3 0 3
PaulaTics - 57 187 3 0 3
Simonsays - 56 171 3 0 3
Leftcoaster - 56 56 3 0 3
Yo Yo Dawg - 55 55 3 0 3
Sanjaya Rocks - 53 177 3 0 3
Team Shivers - 50 170 3 0 3
Idolsmith - 49 159 3 0 3
Team Hasselhoff - 36 136 3 0 3
Team35 - 62 184 2 0 2
Zebra Fight - 45 173 2 0 2
Badnewz - 50 147 0 0

Its All Wrong, But Its Alright

2008-04-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

RIP Johnsie

Dear Abby,

For some reason tonight my wife started having outbreaks of uncontrollable sobbing. I tell her I am sorry for whatever I did, but she just says she needs her time to grieve. I don't know what she is grieving - all I know is that she has never looked so heartbroken before. Every time I try to comfort her, she yells at me to move out of the way of the TV. The weird thing is that there is nothing playing on TV - the TiVo is just paused on some guy standing there on American Idol. But she is watching it like there is actually something on there. Do you think that she is mentally unstable or do I just need to go buy her some flowers or something?

- Confused in Tennessee

Dear Confused in Tennessee,

Michael Johns was just unfairly voted off of American Idol tonight. Women around the country are in mourning. It was just a week ago that he sang to us about Sexy Lovin' Lines. Just leave her alone and don't mention anything about Australia or even New Zealand for the next few weeks.

FINAL 8 - BONUS PICKS

2008-04-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

Update: Get Picks In By Thursday Night's Show
due to Idol Gives Back

Inspirational music sucks.

Time for them bonus picks. You have 15 points to divide among three contestants - giving at least one point to each of them.

When I got home last night Mrs. Commish warned me that the show wasn't good. She said Johnsie didn't even do it for her - whatever that means. What did we expect from a week of inspirational music?

When I watched Johnsie kick it off - I didn't think it was as bad as Mrs. Commish thought it was. I thought he did a good job - and if he was later in the night the judges would have liked him more because he didn't have a bunch of competition. I did notice that Outback Johns is becoming a bit more cheesy. He said something like, "See, dreams really do come true." That is just as bad as holding his fingers up for his voting number. This competition is getting to him.

Then we had Syesha once again perform a song from an artist much better than she is. She did a decent job but it might not be good enough. The best part was when she basically slammed the other girls in the competition saying that Ramiele was the "only one who really got me."

Then Jason Castweed sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I thought it was good. I just couldn't stop wondering why he was wearing my Grandma's sweater and women's pants. I will say that - in comparison to Brooke - he can actually keep time on an instrument. He was a drummer after all. When Jason was done singing I said, "That wasn't bad." Then Mrs. Commish responded, "Yeah, but wait until you see how bad the judges shat themselves over it." (Disclaimer: she was a bit stressed and worn out last night from a long day. That usually makes her pretty saucy.)

Kristy was next. When I found out that she was going to sing Anyway from Martina McBride, I was sure that this would be the nail in the coffin. Martina sings the crap out of that song. I asked Mrs. Commish if I was about to watch a train wreck. She told me it wasn't that bad. Then I said, "Well, does she do her Saddle Squat?" She said, "Yep, she does the Country Crouch." I didn't realize we had two different names for the same dance move. Well, not only did Kristy do a passable version of the song (we all have lower standards for her performances) but she really did look like she was singing something she believed in for the first time. That was refreshing to see.

Then David Cook gave a Belmont Showcase-worthy performance of Innocent. By Belmont Showcase-worthy I mean taking yourself way too seriously trying to sing a song with an inspirational message while wearing some ridiculous performance outfit. I loved watching Simon look down at the monitor in his desk while Davy was giving us the hand, telling us to give back. Simon laughed at the absurdity of it (as you can see in the picture above). We thought Davy's vocals at the beginning of the song were really bad and then it only improved to a moderate butt-rocker voice. Not very impressive Sonny Crockett.

Carly came out wearing those high-waisted pants again so I had to just listen to the rest of The Show Must Go On with my eyes closed. I thought this week was inspirational week. I don't get much inspiration from the message that things suck but you still have to work anyways. I know that isn't the point, but it just felt less like inspiration and more like a substitute teacher who was finally pushed over the edge by that last spitball.

Archie seemed a bit nervous at first playing the piano but he settled into it and gave a typical performance for him. Not bad. Of course the judges liked it. Some girl in the audience was holding a sign that said "Lick those lips". There is no way I would let my little girl hold that sign. Even stranger than the sign was Simon's comment that Angels was one of the greatest pop songs ever written. I usually agree with everything that Simon says, but I completely disagree with him on this one. He wondered why that song was never huge over here - well, it was big enough to hear on the radio all the time. It annoyed me then and it annoys me now.

We ended the evening with Brooke. That song is inspirational in the 8th grade on the last night of a youth group snow-skiing retreat in a room full of candles. Last night it just looked like Brooke was in pain from over-sincerity.

FINAL 8 - PP Picks

2008-04-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late post but we started work on Mrs. Commish's record this week which pretty much means that I am not as available for my part time job as your American Idol liason. Better late than never.

Here are your final 8 contestants. Rank them 1-8, giving 8 points to the contestant you think is MOST likely to get voted out. Why am I saying this? You guys know how it works. Get to it.

Since I don't have much time for analysis, I will just tell you what I imagine myself saying to each contestant when I meet them in five years.

MICHAEL JOHNS
"Sure, mate. I would be honored to write for your record."

BROOKE WHITE
"Sorry my son didn't turn in the money for the youth ski trip. We'll bring it to you at church on Wednesday night."

JASON CASTRO
"I'm sorry, what do you want me to carry through Airport Security for you?"

CARLY SMITHSON
"Yeah - you were a great singer. Now, back to the tattoo. Just a heart with Lorelai written in it."

KRISTY LEE COOK
"Make that two small Heath bar Blizzards."

DAVID COOK
"So ... how long have you been A&R at Word?"

DAVID ARCHULETA
"I know it is hard always having to talk through this glass window, but until you serve your time for all of those horrendous crimes this is the way it will have to be."

SYESHA MERCADO
"I remember you. You were in that Florida commercial, weren't you?"

SCORES - TOP 9 - RAMIELE MALU BYE BYE

2008-04-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

The last "amateur" in the competition is gone!

Normally I would have posted these scores earlier, but due to a mixture of me being out of town and an investigation into the cheating methods of Seacrest Out - it took a while. The investigation is still open by the way.

Well, Ramiele was sent home this week and it was about time. She was actually worse than Kristy - who you would think would go home next week. But I have an outside theory about who will be voted off next week ...

I think Archie is going to throw the competition for three main reasons.
1. Get back at his overly-controlling dad
2. He doesn't like being the shortest contestant
3. (The main reason) He saw how Kristy Lee buried Ramiele's head in her cleavage this past Wednesday night to keep her from crying. He has to get voted out before Kristy leaves or he might not ever have an opportunity like that again.

Now, on to the scores. The weekly winner was .... .... Seacrest Out*. They took a bit of a gamble and it paid off.* They should be proud of themselves.* Meanwhile, JC moves her way up to a tie for 2nd place with the honest, non-cheating PaulaTics.

Remember the scores are listed as follows ...
Team - Top12 - Season - Wk9PPPicks - Wk9Bonus - Wk9Total

Seacrest Out* - 56 191 8 13 21
Thaddeus Glapp - 59 180 9 10 19
Yo Yo Dawg - 52 52 9 10 19
Badnewz - 50 147 9 9 18
Team35 - 60 182 9 8 17
Bessie Moo - 57 172 7 10 17
JC - 56 184 9 8 17
Simonsays - 53 168 9 8 17
profB - 52 175 9 8 17
Sanjaya Rocks - 50 174 7 9 16
Zebra Fight - 43 171 8 8 16
AMightyWin - 55 55 9 6 15
PaulaTics - 54 184 6 8 14
The Indiananans - 49 170 7 7 14
Fire and Ice - 55 163 7 6 13
Team Shivers - 47 167 7 6 13
Leftcoaster - 53 53 7 5 12
Team Hasselhoff - 33 133 9 1 10
Idolsmith - 46 156 7 1 8

*But they cheated

BONUS PICKS - FINAL 9

2008-04-02T02:43:00.000-07:00

Time to make your bonus picks. Once again - divide 15 points among three contestants giving each one AT LEAST one point (YoYoDawg didn't follow this rule last week - shame on you).

Here is a picture of Christian singer Jason Castro not smoking marijuana

A few thoughts from last night's show ...

Johnsie (as Mrs. Commish affectionately calls him) is back. It was hard to think of Dolly writing the "Sexy loving" part - but whatever.

Dolly Parton is awesome. For someone who is so unnatural looking at times, she is very comfortable in her "own" skin.

I thought Total Recall (Carly) did a great job. I liked that slower version of the song and she sang the crap out of it. She only made the Eddie Vedder face once or twice. It was crap for Simon to pee himself over Archie and put Carly down. She actually did great.

"You are ... ... ... ... ... Brooke White!" - Paula Abdul to ... ... ... ... Brooke White.

Mrs. Commish loved KKKristy's dress. That was the best part of the performance. It wasn't bad, just whatever.

How is it that I found myself thinking that David Cook might have the strongest vocals of all of the finalists? He sounded less butt-rock last night. NEWS UPDATE - Davy was rushed to the hospital last night for "heart palpitations and high blood pressure". Supposedly he is stressed about his brother who has brain cancer and had some sort of setback this week.

Brooke White should not have played guitar last night. Not only did it give her the intense strum look the whole performance, but her guitar playing sucked. She kept rushing the dude on the Cajon. I was actually really turned off by the way she transitioned from G to C to Am. I know it is picky, but I can't help it.

Jason Castro did a good job singing a song made famous by a Transvestite movie. I am sure Team IdolSmith was giddy with excitement that he sang about Jesus. That makes me happy too. He had just better hope that they don't do any random locker searches.

Syesha should have known better than to try to sing that song. She actually sounded pretty darn good, but after she started into the Whitney part I had to pause it and have this conversation with the wife ...
"Do you remember watching Whitney sing this song?"
"Yes."
"She was amazing."
"Yeah she was!"
"I mean incredible."
"Sho nuff, dawg."
Actually, I don't remember how the conversation ended. The point is that no matter how good Syesha was, she could never be that good. That is why one should always sing Gloria Estefan or Fergie songs because the original vocal already sucks.

Archie was the same old Archie. He got to sing about Jesus as well - you know - that guy Joseph Smith was always rambling on about. His vocals were good but they are getting kind of boring to me.

Ramie.....zzzzzzzzzzzz

FINAL 9 - PP Picks

2008-03-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

We are down to the nine greatest singers in the history of the world. Time to make your Pre-Performance Picks. Rank these contestants 1-9 giving nine points to the person you think is most likely to be voted out and so on and so forth blah blah blah.

This week is Dolly Parton week. That means one of two things. Either all of the contestants will be sporting humongous fake boobs or they will be singing songs from Dolly's fabulous catalogue. I can't wait to see who sings Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That. They will surely suck.

Well, here are your contestants ...

MICHAEL JOHNS
Supposedly the great Aussie hope gained some ground last week with his power-rock medley. He is still one of my favorites but I still think he can't win because he doesn't "play the game" as well as the others do. I am surprised, however, that he dances in those group numbers - he is participating but I don't think it is helping him any.

BROOKE WHITE
Brooke should be fine as long as she doesn't stand up to sing and wave her yellow gumby arms. Dolly week should be kind to her - but you never know.

JASON CASTRO
First off, I was watching one of our favorite shows, The Soup, this past Friday and they did a whole segment on how it looked like Castro was a pothead. So I am not alone. Also - I saw a clip from MadTV where they interviewed some AI finalists on the red carpet - and they said Jason looked like Travolta in Battlefield Earth. You heard it here first.
Many people think that Jason should be the one to sing I Will Always Love You this week. I agree that his version would sound different - but I think it might make me hurl from the cheesiness.

CARLY SMITHSON
Carly is having a tough time. It doesn't matter that she sings well - she really has to get over those facial expressions and that bouncy dance. There just isn't that interesting thing about her to make people really care. Maybe she should get a tattoo of Archie on her left shoulder to win some favor from the young ones.

KRISTY LEE COOK
Oh Kristy. Surely Dolly sang the national anthem at some point in her career. Maybe there is hope. Make sure to wear your American flag bikini.

DAVID COOK
David has had an interesting week. He supposedly supplanted Archie as the frontrunner while pissing off a lot of rock fans for not giving credit for his covers of covers. If he does the White Stripes' version of Jolene he might just shoot himself in the foot. What will most likely happen is I will end up liking his performance even though I will be trying not to.

RAMIELE MALUBAY
Do you know why lip gloss is still in this competition? Well, the Philippine consulate in New York has been sending out messages to the press asking every Filipino to vote for "the only genuine Amateur competing against seasoned professionals." She sucked again last week but wasn't even in the bottom three. Those Filipinos sure seem racist.

DAVID ARCHULETA
If Dolly has any songs about the world becoming a better place - Archie (or his dad) will probably choose it. I know he supposedly lost his top spot to David Cook, but those 12 year old girls are pretty loyal. All he has to do is sing a song that is appropriate for his age - and they will be melting again.

SYESHA MERCADO
I should care about Syesha more than I do. I think most of America feels that way. It will be a shame when she goes before KKKristy.

American Idol EXPOSED!!!

2008-03-30T22:00:00.001-07:00

For part of my normal research - I visit VoteForTheWorst.com
On that site, I found a link to this site that is finally exposing American Idol for the "fraud" that it is. It focuses much of the attention on the Songwriting Contest from last year. They contend that the American Idol producers aren't being totally honest when they call it an "amateur" competition and submitted the following information as proof ...

"Remember that that the songwriting contest, according to the shows producer Simon Fuller, was meant for amateur songwriters.

Ok, lets examine American Idol Songwriting Contest Champ Scott Krippayne’s true bio.
At Walmart.com, you can buy Scott’s 2005 "Gentle Revolution" CD for the low price of only $12.88. I’ve been to Walmart and looked, there isn’t an amateur CD section, but there is a Scott Krippayne section.

So much for searching for a great undiscovered songwriting talent.

And if you visit the U.S. copyright website, a quick search shows Scott Krippayne has written songs for several christian artist like Jaci Velasquez, Rebecca Saint James, Kathy Troccoli, Point of Grace and more.

And if you check out Scott’s Purplehonda myspace page, Scott says he has written 14 number 1 hits and 20 top 10 hits for artist like John Tesh, Ronan Tynan, Saddi Patty and more.

F.Y.I. Scott Krippayne also wrote the title track "Wonderful Crazy" for American Idol Juniors finalist Katelyn Tarver’s 2005 debut CD.

So much for having an untapped songwriter. He seems fairly tapped to me.

Scott Krippayne has written with Andy Marvel.
Ok, we know what your thinking, who’s Andy Marvel?
Well Andy Marvel is one of the songwriter’s on Jordin Sparks 2003 "For Now" Demo CD.

And then there’s Matthew Ward.
Both Matthew Ward and Scott Krippayne get credit for solo’s on "The Heart of a Martyr" Celtic Cry CD.
Matthew Ward produced American Idol winner Jordin Sparks 2003 "For Now" demo CD.
Scott also has written with Jorge Corante.
Jorge was the producer on Paula Abdul’s "SpellBound" CD."

Man - that is pretty convincing stuff. I mean, how can you be considered amateur when you have penned songs for the greatest band of all time (POG)? I am so confused right now that I don't know what to say. This Scott Krippayne guy, whoever he is, should be ashamed of himself.

P.S. Does anyone want to write with me for this year's songwriting contest? Here are some titles I am working on ...

That Was My Then
On Cloud Nine
On Top Of The World
On Top of Cloud Nine
On Drugs
You Wish You Were Me
I Am Awesomer
This Magical, Mystical, Musical Moment
Look At Me Now Dad Who Always Tells Me What To Do
Right Where My Parents Dreamed I Would Be
Singin' Thru Your TV
I Am Having My Cake and Eating It Too
Follow Your Dreams, You Can Do It Even Though Tens Of Thousands Of Other People Couldn't Make It This Far
Simon Likes Me
and
Steel Bars

There are at least a few hits in there somewhere. I now challenge the rest of you to submit your fabulous song titles. Maybe we will just write the song here as a group.

Prediction Picks REVEALED!!!

2008-03-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

I meant to do this a couple of weeks ago - but I can only dedicate so many hours of my week to this ridiculous thing called Fantasy American Idol.
Anyways - here are the prediction picks that everyone made before the Final 12 started performing. Remember - it is a prediction of the top three finishers - in order. You get 5 points for each contestant from your picks that makes it to the final three. You get 10 extra points for each contestant that was picked in the correct finishing position. Hopefully that makes sense.

As you look at these picks, remember that they were made in a different time. Back when Archie could do no wrong, Castro was the top-downloaded contestant on iTunes, Syesha was a front runner, David Cook was a poser, Carly still seemed to have upside and Kristy Lee Cook was still in the competition. Wait - she still is. Surely she will go this week when she does her version of O Canada.

Here are the Prediction Picks

Team Shivers 1 Archuleta 2 D Cook 3 Smithson
PaulaTics 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D Cook
Simonsays 1 Archuleta 2 White 3 Smithson
Badnewz 1 Archuleta 2 Smithson 3 Johns
JC 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Castro
profB 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 D Cook
Team35 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 White
Team Hasselhoff 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D Cook
The Indiananans 1 Archuleta 2 White 3 D Cook
Seacrest Out 1 Johns 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Sanjaya Rocks 1 Johns 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Fire and Ice 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 Mercado
T & J Smith 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 Johns
Bessie Moo 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 White
Thaddeus Glapp 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Johns
Zebra Fight 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 D Cook
AMightyWin 1 Archuleta 2 Mercado 3 Castro
The New Last Place 1 Smithson 2 Archuleta 3 Mercado
Leftcoaster 1 Archuleta 2 Castro 3 D. Cook
Yo-Yo Dawg 1 Archuleta 2 Johns 3 Smithson

SCORES - TOP 10 - BESSIE MOO ON A ROLL

2008-03-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Looks like Chikezie is headed back to his TSA choir.

Last night Kristy was not even in the bottom three. Her plan of appealing to the Jasper, TN crowd worked.
I think Castro kind of deserved to be in the bottom three. Hopefully it will wake him up a bit to try harder.
Syesha shouldn't have been in the bottom three, but somehow Ramiele avoided that fate. I just looked it up and found that there were 1.4 million Filipino Americans according to the 1990 census (about 600,000 more than Japanese Americans). Apparently she is getting that vote along with all of Danny Noriega's fans - who are called Danimals or DannyFannys. That second one is just too much for me.

My favorite part of the show last night was the final pose for the group number. Michael Johns was on the far right and for that last note of the song he dropped to his knee and stuck his arm between Brooke White's legs. Interesting choreography.

Now, on to the scores. Bessie Moo gets her second weekly winner spot. She is mounting quite a comeback.

The scores are listed a little differently today.

Team name - (Top 12 score)(FullSeason Score)(PP Pick)(Bonus Pick)(Top 10 week score)

Bessie Moo - 40 155 10 7 17
Idolsmith - 38 148 8 8 16
Leftcoaster - 41 41 8 7 15
Sanjaya Rocks - 34 158 8 7 15
Fire and Ice - 42 150 8 6 14
Thaddeus Glapp - 40 161 9 5 14
AMightyWin - 40 40 9 5 14
PaulaTics - 40 170 8 6 14
JC - 39 167 8 6 14
Seacrest Out - 35 170 8 6 14
Team Shivers - 34 154 9 5 14
Yo Yo Dawg - 33 33 7 7 14
Team35 - 43 165 9 4 13
The Indiananans - 35 156 8 5 13
Badnewz - 32 129 8 5 13
Zebra Fight - 27 155 7 5 12
Simonsays - 36 151 6 5 11
profB - 35 158 8 2 10
Team Hasselhoff - 23 123 7 1 8
The New Last Place - 21 21 0 0 0

Final 10 - Bonus Picks

2008-03-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Time to get the bonus picks in. Remember - you have 15 total points you have to distribute to 3 contestants (each contestant must have at least one point). Picks must be in before the show tonight.
Some people said that some of the pictures from yesterday's post weren't showing up. I think I fixed it - so you should be able to scroll down and enjoy them in their full glory.

On to last night's performances ...

Ramiele - sounded like crap to me. I doubt she is going to go though. She has some sort of deal with the mafia.

Castro - Dear Team IdolSmith, I know how much you love Jason Castro. I believe he is a nice guy. You are right, he probably doesn't smoke pot. He is a nice Christian boy. However, I will still make fun of him for smoking pot - not so much because smoking pot is funny - but because people who smoke a lot of pot are funny. They have delayed reaction time. They don't seem to care about much. They always have this goofy smile on their face. Some of them have nappy hair. Not only does that describe Jason Castro - but it describes his performance last night.

Syesha - I was right about all of those weeks when Syesha couldn't really hit the notes. The last two weeks, however, she has done some very nice singin'. I think Simon hit the nail on the head, though, when he said that there were limits to her vocals. That dude is smart.

Chikezie - It took me a record 3.6 seconds to fall asleep to this one.

Brooke - Her voice sounded good on this song - but I don't think it was that great overall. I agree with the judges that the band sounded corny when they came in. However, there wasn't much to her piano part and it was getting old very quickly. I think it was right for the band to come in - just not in the way they did. If Blake Lewis was doing it, he would have had the band arrange some cool groove to the song to give it some dynamics. It sounds like they just took the first beat they could find on GarageBand and used it for Brooke. At least she didn't have as many awkward glances at the camera.

Michael Johns - I really like this guys voice. Sure the song medley seemed a little self-indulgent, but coming from Michael you knew that he just felt that he had to do something a bit more showy. If it was David Cook it would have been a different story. Mrs. Commissioner was very pleased.

Carly Smithson - I spent the whole performance trying to explain to Mrs. Commissioner what was wrong with it. She likes Carly and thinks that she wants to win more than anyone else. I think that might be true. I just keep saying that her voice is good, but she is completely unrelatable. I realized last night that much of it is just her facial expressions. She always looks like she is really into it, then she will open her eyes and she is looking up at the ceiling with a possessed look - much like Eddie Vedder's facial expression as he puts the "gun" to his head while singing "Jeremy" - spooky. I am surprised I haven't had any nightmares yet with Carly looking at me that way. It is sad that that has to be a factor - but it just does.

David Archuleta - What in the world was that song? Sure he can sing but I don't want to hear anyone sing songs like that. Simon was completely right about that being the kind of song you sing with animals running around you at a theme park. I am just glad Archie wasn't born the year of "We Are The World" or "Dear Mr. Jesus".

Kristy Lee Cook - One of the first CDs I ever purchased was Lee Greenwood's Greatest Hits. I was a loser in high school. Kristy might as well have been wearing my American flag jacket last night. It really was a great song choice for someone who wants to stay in the competition. Too bad she had to sell her soul to sing it.

David Cook - I have mixed feelings about this one. He really did a great job of singing. That note he held out might have been my favorite vocal moment so far this season. That is hard for me to say. However, the judges were talking about how original he is and it was driving me crazy. Ryan Seacrest even said in the introduction that it was Chris Cornell's version of that song. It sounded like Chris Cornell (just not quite as awesome). Sure David did a good job with it, but don't give him credit for the arrangement. He did the same thing with Elanor Rigby - ripping off someone else's version and not really giving them credit for it. If you want to talk about original - Blake Lewis is the guy. The idea that David doesn't have any problem taking credit for the originality of the performance kind of bothers me. But man he really is pretty good.

One last thing. WTF was Paula wearing? I am beginning to think that the judges are like the cast of Weekend at Bernie's. Randy and Simon are alive - just dragging around this lifeless corpse of Paula Abdul, pulling a string in her back and making her say nonsensical phrases like "That was ... you are ... well, you know how much greatness ... you should be proud." And if she says "brilliant" one more time I will have to get a new TV because my current one will have a steak knife sticking out of the middle of it.

FINAL 10 - PP Picks

2008-03-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

Time for the PP Picks. Rank these contestants 1-10 giving 10 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted off. Leave your pick as a comment to this post.

While talking about rules, you all should know that I received a bunch of complaints from whiny babies last week about people submitting their picks late. Here is how I see it - there is a special layer of hell reserved for people who would try to cheat at Fantasy American Idol. That being said, I guess it is worth saying that you NEED to have your picks in BEFORE showtime in CST.

Here are two things I will do to fix this situation ...

1. I reserve the right to give a 5 point deduction for late picks, to not take them at all or to take them with no penalty.
2. I now give Sanjaya Rocks the position of "Enforcer". Really all that means is that if you submit late picks, I give the Enforcer permission to tear you apart with his comments - kind of like a Comedy Central roast. He might not let up until you cry. So be warned.

As for the competition, who knows what to think anymore. The only thing we can know for sure is that Paula will speak complete nonsense the next couple of nights. Sometimes I am grateful I am not sitting next to a loaded pistol when I watch her try to get her "thoughts" out on TV.

This week, I found pictures of celebrities that would surely star in the made-for-TV after school special show about this year's top 10. I also listed some interesting items you might find requested in their riders on the American Idol Season 7 tour.

DAVID ARCHULETA

Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum
Framed Picture of Joseph Smith
Glass Case to store Star Search trophy in
High School Musical DVDs
Puberty

RAMIELE MALUBAY

Hair gel
Hair spray
Hair brush
Platform Shoes
Danny Noriega

DAVID COOK

Full Length Mirror
Vanity Mirror
Hand Mirror
Mel Bay's book of Guitar Chords
A bust of Lionel Richie

CARLY SMITHSON

Temporary Tattoos
Copy of Heart's Little Queen CD
One box of Lucky Charms
Case of Guinness
A Personality

JASON CASTRO

Cheap guitar
Weed
Cheetos
*no showers needed

SYESHA MERCADO

Tempest Bledsoe's stylist
50 Headshots of herself
Vegetable Tray
220V outlet for her hair dryer

MICHAEL JOHNS

Bullwhip
Shrimp on the Barbie
Case of Fosters
Door-size poster of Nicole Kidman
Dignity

BROOKE WHITE

Toothbrush
Huge Earrings
Framed Picture of Joseph Smith
Any Rated R movies you can find

CHIKEZIE EZE

Cowboy Hat
Chaps
Spurs
Burger King's Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

KRISTY LEE COOK

Lorrie Morgan CDs
A death threat letter from David Hernandez
A thank you note from Amanda Overmyer
Performance Skills

SCORES - FINAL 11 - Overmyer hits the road

2008-03-19T21:19:00.001-07:00

Yet another surprising night. Amanda is gone.
Let me start by saying that I finally watched the performances yesterday and - man they were awful. Syesha was probably my favorite - finally hitting some of the notes and using her acting skillz. Archie was his normal self. Michael Johns did well and was actually dignified while the judges dissed his performance (if he went later in the evening I think the judges would have liked it much more).

As for the rest of the performances, Mrs. Commish said that the evening should have been titled "The Monsters We Have Created". It felt like we ended up with a bunch of singers who don't know how to handle all of this attention without thinking that they are the center of the universe.

Let's start with Brooke. If you didn't see her performance, that is OK. Just go to the downtown Nashville Library this weekend and watch any marionette show. That is how she moves - arms flailing while shifting weight from one gangly leg to another. I literally had to look away for most of the performance to make it through the song. But even worse than the performance was the way that she wouldn't shut up when the judges were giving her comments. Last night she said, "Its Ok. It was bound to happen." As if to say - "Even the great ones fall sometimes - and I fell - and I am a great one (insert cheesy head-tilting smile)". She needs to watch Michael Johns' reaction. He took it with dignity - which is what he will still have whenever he is voted off of this ridiculously awesome show. I like Brooke - she seems nice - but even the great Doolittle who had the best voice of all never thought about being so arrogant. Listen and learn Ms. White.

David Cook's performance was good, but he was kind of infected with the same bug. Watching him play with and talk about the talk box was like watching a seven year old play Zelda - begging you to watch him beat some high level adversary while talking about how awesome he is at video games. Very self indulgent.

Jason Castro - first un-tuck your shirt. Then stop prancing around the stage making those goofy faces. I couldn't watch that one either.

Chikezie - I felt like I was in Pigeon Forge.

Ramiele - zzzzz

Carly - every week I feel like she is looking more and more like the prosthetic head filled with a bomb that Arnold wears through customs on Total Recall.

Who else am I forgetting? Oh. Kristy Lee Cook. At least she didn't do her bow-legged stance this week. Now I actually feel sorry for her. It looks like she would have rather been voted off than to live another week to have Simon say she was a horrible performer. She looks like she feels guilty whenever she gets to stay and someone better gets voted off. It was the same way with Antonella Barba. After a while we started to think she was a suicide risk. I half-way expected Kristy to turn to the crowd and say "Please stop voting for me. I can't take it anymore." She might just get her wish next week. But at least she has a job on the AI tour for the summer.

That brings us to the scores. I loved seeing all of the configurations on the bonus picks - lots of people taking risks. The problem is that most people didn't think that Amanda was going to get booted. That is what makes this game so great.

With a super come-back, Bessie Moo was the weekly winner. Congratulations.

Seacrest Out and The PaulaTics were able to hold on to the overall lead, but the race got a lot closer. Meanwhile, Team 35 takes the lead in the Top 12 competition.

Here is how the scores are listed:
TEAM NAME / PP Pick / bonus Pick / weekly total

Bessie Moo 10 5 15
The New Last Place 11 3 14
Team35 11 0 11
Fire and Ice 8 1 9
JC 9 0 9
Idolsmith 8 1 9
Badnewz 9 0 9
PaulaTics 8 0 8
Leftcoaster 8 0 8
profB 8 0 8
Seacrest Out 8 0 8
Sanjaya Rocks 8 0 8
Team Hasselhoff 8 0 8
Thaddeus Glapp 7 0 7
Simonsays 7 0 7
The Indiananans 7 0 7
Team Shivers 7 0 7
AMightyWin 7 0 7
Yo Yo Dawg 6 0 6
Zebra Fight 6 0 6

BONUS PICKS - FINAL 11

2008-03-19T09:46:00.001-07:00

Time to make your bonus picks. WE CHANGED THE SCORING SYSTEM FOR BONUS PICKS - so if you didn't read the "Fuzzy Math" blog post a couple of days ago then please pay attention.

For these bonus picks, you have 15 points that you can sort among 3 contestants. You have to give each contestant at least one point (that means the most you can give a contestant is 13 points - giving 1 point to each of the other two). When a contestant is voted out tonight, you will get the amount of points you allotted to that contestant.

Make these picks before the show starts tonight by leaving a comment to this post.

Since I haven't watched the show yet, I will give you some comments sent from an outsider. This outsider is familiar with many of the people in this league. I won't tell you his name, but I will give you some clues. He lives near Kansas City. He was not in a band with his wife and some friends called Landshallow. He was watching the episode with Team 35 and they forwarded me these comments ...

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ARE RATED PG-13 for language

This guest commentary of last night’s show comes to you from Team35’s American Idol Strategic Gameplay Command (a/k/a couch), from media maven and general music mogul, Don “The Conductor”, who is visiting from Kansas City. DtC’s commentary below:

Amanda Overmeyer
“Show these jokers what you got.”
“She’s about to lose her voice – but that’s cool.”
“I just think she’s the real deal.”
“See? That’s the kinda $h!t I’m talking about.”

Kristy Lee Cook
“I don’t like this girl.”
“Weak link! Out!”
“Don’t get me wrong. She’s pretty enough.”

David Archuleta
“This will either be… well, it will be bad.”
“He is pretty good. Yeah, he’s killing it.”
“Ah, that was pretty good. But that is one of my least favorite Beatles songs.”
“I thought he took the right amount of liberties.”

Michael Johns
“Oh yes!!”
“A little pitchy tonight. I think his voice is hurting.”
“I want to see how they get into that B section.
“I didn’t think it was a mess.”
“It was nice to hear him wrap his voice around those melodies – though he didn’t do a good job of wrapping.”

Brooke White
“She reminds me of Carol King. But don’t play $h!tty guitar on it though.”
“I like her tone and she seems authentic.”
“She said “woo”…”
“She looks sorta like a Chiquita banana. Ooh! Not so much with the moving around. Ouch!”
“Not the success of the last one.”

David Cook
“I don’t really like this guy. Oh NOOO..! Is he gonna do a TALK BOX SOLO?!?! Get ready for it ladies and gentlemen…”
“It sounded like he said ‘day stripper’.”
“D@mm!t , I don’t like his look, his taste... yeah …as much as it offends everything I love about music, that worked alright.”

Carly Smithson
“This is gonna be a disaster.” “Listening to a $h!tty piano arrangement of a great guitar song.” “Yeah d@mm!t . I really like her though.”
“Well at least the guitar came in there.”
“She does have some bizarre-o Marylin Manson / Tales From The Crypt makeup going on.”
“Other than the song selection, pitch, phrasing, tone, arrangement, performance and make up.. that was amazing. But I like her.”
[on Paula’s comments] “It’s like the ante-room for an AlAnon meeting - they’re just showering each other with co-dependant mutterings.”

Jason Castro
“I’ve heard he’s good.”
“Sometimes that band sounds awful - it sounds like the demo from a Casio keyboard.” “Mmmm! That’s a real guitar tone! That bass line sounds like “Happy Trails”.”
“Weeeellll, that was pretty good.”
“You know, he really has that Menudo quality – just effeminate enough to appeal to the young girls.”

Syesha Mercado
“Aw.. she did a good job on that. It wasn’t boring like I expected it to be.”

Chikezie
“Ehhh. He’s doing it roughly right.”
“Wow this is like a bad john Denver concert. Ahh NO! What’s happening here?!?! Wow. Scratch that… it’s like a Hee Haw episode… …featuring Darius Rucker.”
“He’s got to remember that if he’s gonna do that hayseed thing, it needs to have a funky underbelly.”

Ramiele Malubay
“She’s terrible, right?”
“What’s that dance? It’s like a penguin.”
“While I was determined not to like her performance, it was actually passable.”

FINAL 11 - PP Picks

2008-03-17T21:12:00.001-07:00

I read something last week saying that David Archuleta threw his performance last week so that he could ditch the "frontrunner" spot and fall back in with the rest of the contestants. Of course that is ridiculous, but why don't we just pretend that it is true - and that this competition is the most important thing in the world.

What we do know is that nothing in this world of American Idol is certain. Just when you think Chikezie might be on his way out, he jumps around so much that everyone was talking about how great he was. Just when you think Archie has it locked up - he sucks big time. Just when you think that a male stripper would be voted off, he gets voted off. I don't know what to think.

With that in mind, let us make our Pre-Performance Picks for the final eleven. Rank the following contestants 1-11, giving 11 points to the contestant you think is MOST likely to be voted out.

I don't have time for comments, so I will just supply you with each contestant's quote from their high school yearbook.

AMANDA OVERMYER
"Leave me the F*&# alone." (with a raspy voice)

MICHAEL JOHNS
"I love Kangaroos."

BROOKE WHITE
"True love waits!!!!"

JASON CASTRO
"Whatever man ... I mean, I don't know what to say ... I guess stay true to ... man, I have the munchies."

CARLY SMITHSON
"Sorry I can't be there for graduation. I have gone to the states to make a record for a big label and I am going to sell millions of them and be famous and marry a nice, clean-cut American boy. Mark my words."

KRISTY LEE COOK
"We'll put a boot in your ass - its the American Way." - Toby Keith

DAVID COOK
"Someday I will grow an awesome soul patch."

RAMIELE MALUBAY
"Damitan mo man ang matsing, matsing pa rin."
(A monkey dressed up is still a monkey.)

DAVID ARCHULETA
"I have no time for high school. My days are too full of appearances and performances my dad has scheduled for me."

SYESHA MERCADO
"De-Wayne ... find me a big, beautiful shell."

CHIKEZIE EZE
"One day Ryan Seacrest will wipe the sweat off my head with his own hands."

WARNING - FUZZY MATH COMPLAINTS

2008-03-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

I know many people on here have accused me of fuzzy math. I don't give a rat sass.

I just happen to be a math guy who enjoys fine-tuning the rules to make this league even better. And nobody can say that I would ever change things for my advantage. To further prove this point, I am now announcing a change in the bonus picks scoring system. My team just so happens to be tied for first place at this moment, but I want to find a way for folks to catch up if they are willing to take risks. I actually thought of this change last year, but forgot about it until last week.
So please pay attention to this scoring change.

Traditionally, we have three bonus picks after the performances worth 8, 5 and 2 points. From now on, you will have a total of 15 bonus points that you have to assign to three contestants in any way you want (each contestant must be assigned at least one point).

So bonus picks from last week could look like this:

8 - Hernandez
5 - Kristy Lee Cook
2 - Syesha

or

13 - Hernandez
1 - Kristy Lee Cook
1 - Syesha

or

5 - Hernandez
5 - Kristy Lee Cook
5 - Syesha

or any other configuration of 15 points.

So if you want to keep making bonus picks like we have been - that is totally fine because it fits the 15 point scheme - but if you want a bigger headache when making your picks, you have the freedom to assign the points how you want.

Just remember ...

- Total of 15 bonus points
- assign to 3 contestants (each one with at least one point)

If some of your math is off and you happen to assign more than 15 points, the points will be subtracted from each contestant starting with the highest ranked one (kind of like taking hotels off Monopoly properties).

If you have questions or complaints, please let me know.

SCORES - FINAL 12 - Adios David Hermandance

2008-03-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

I never knew that "pizza bistro" was a nickname for male strip clubs. Remind me never to go to one of those new Pizza Hut restaurants.
Tonight we had to say goodbye to the most famous male stripper in America. David didn't seem too happy about it. He actually looked kind of pissed that he was ousted before Kristy - but to be fair, it is difficult to tell the difference between David's pissed off look and his sassy, no-nonsense singing face.

Mr. Hernandez technically had a good voice. He is just up against a group of guys who generally have some sort of artistry to them. Outback Johns, Davy Cook, Castro and Archie all seem to have good instincts of how to change a song to fit their artistic persona. Chikezie isn't quite in that league, but he sure can run around a bunch. Hernandez on the other hand just seems to regurgitate the songs - running them through a R&B vocal trick machine and performing them like only the best Pigeon Forge performers could. His performances remind me of the Freshman Vocal Seminar classes at Belmont - where all of the girls sang their best versions of "Here In My Heart" to the Susan Ashton track. Nothing really special about it.

Now that we have said our goodbyes we can get on to the scores.

We will continue to keep the Full Season scores going, but for the new teams that just joined us, I will keep everyone's scores from the Top 12 as well. You should see the two different score columns on the right. Of course Full Season is the one that matters most, but the Top 12 winner will be cool too.

This week we have multiple weekly winners - Team 35, Fire and Ice and Thaddeus Glapp. Congratulations. All three of them ranked Hernandez 11th in the PP Picks and gave him 8 bonus points.

A few teams didn't even make their bonus picks (Hasselhoff, The New Last Place, AMightyWin). Two of those teams were newbies - so I guess I should say that it is important to subscribe to this blog so you can stay updated on the instructions in new blog posts. One team (Bessie Moo) was trying to make a comeback but forgot to invite Mr. Hernandez to the bonus pick party - so she might as well have skipped the bonus picks too.

Thanks to some great point swings, the field is getting closer for the Full Season scores. The Paulatics have moved into a first place tie with Seacrest Out. Man those PaulaTics people are super smart.

Zebra Fight tried to hide his homophobia by giving David H. better marks than he deserved - and it backfired. He dropped a number of places.

The scores listed below tell the team name, the team's PPPick ranking for D.Hernandez, the team's bonus pick ranking for him, the teams total points for this week. Look at the columns on the right for the standings and total scores.

Team35 11 8 19
Thaddeus Glapp 11 8 19
Fire and Ice 11 8 19
AMightyWin 11 8 19
PaulaTics 10 8 18
Simonsays 10 8 18
Leftcoaster 10 8 18
profB 9 8 17
JC 8 8 16
The Indiananans 10 5 15
Seacrest Out 8 5 13
Team Shivers 8 5 13
Idolsmith 8 5 13
Yo Yo Dawg 8 5 13
Sanjaya Rocks 9 2 11
Badnewz 8 2 10
Zebra Fight 7 2 9
Bessie Moo 8 0 8
Team Hasselhoff 7 0 7
The New Last Place 7 0 7

BONUS PICKS - FINAL 12

2008-03-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't watched all of the performances yet so I can't give you any real commentary about it. I did see Chikezie though. Then I saw Ryan Seacrest react to Chikezie. Some people forgot to take their Ritalin.

Anyways, it is time to submit your bonus picks. These ones are a little different from the past week's bonus picks because only one person will be voted out - so pay attention.

You have THREE picks worth 8, 5 and 2 points. Give them to whoever you think will be voted out - obviously giving 8 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted off. Leave your picks as a comment to this post before the results show tonight.

Good luck.

FINAL 12 - PRE-PERFORMANCE PICKS

2008-03-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

It is time for the Final 12 Pre-Performance picks. By the way, I am tired of typing out "Pre-Performance" Picks - so they will now be referred to as P.P.Picks. Rank the singers 1-12 giving 12 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted out. When the contestant is voted out Wednesday night, you will get the amount of points you allotted to that singer. Leave your picks as a comment to this post.

Also, don't forget to e-mail me your Prediction Picks (which are totally separate from these PPPicks) before the performances tonight. See the entry below for a description of these picks.

AMANDA OVERMYER
Last week it seemed like Amanda was tired of being made fun of. She was probably angry about the picture of Stripe I included in her description last week. So she will either be performing with a vengeance or she might do something stupid to throw the competition because she hates all of the shiny happy people she has to hang around all day.

MICHAEL JOHNS
I don't think Michael is at all interested in winning American Idol. He might even be happy to make an exit before he is forced to sign away his firstborn son to 19 Entertainment. He is kind of too mature and professional for this show anyways and the deeper he gets in the competition, the less street cred he might have in the genre he needs to be in.

BROOKE WHITE
I originally thought Brooke would be one of the first blondies to go. Now it looks like she will just might take a seat in one of her huge hoop earrings and ride it to the final 6. If they have a LOTR Elvish Theme week, she would be awesome even though she probably hasn't seen the movies - with their PG-13 rating and all.

JASON CASTRO
Well, I was mostly wrong about Jason last week. I thought he was going to fail miserably without his guitar because we would be able to focus more on his weird facial expressions. Everyone still liked him. I don't think he is going anywhere anytime soon.

CARLY SMITHSON
I just don't know what to think of Carly anymore. Supposedly she is still very popular with the voters, but I can totally picture on any given week that people will just not have any motivation to vote for her. There is nothing endearing other than her accent. I still think she has a good voice, but I feel the same way about Josh Groban and I have never had a desire to listen to him.

DAVID HERNANDEZ
I mean, what is the difference, really, between a gay stripper and, say, a female cage fighter. What is the big deal? Just because he danced around naked doesn't mean that he doesn't fit in on American Idol. Strangely, it actually makes him more qualified - which you will clearly see when it is Sodom & Gommorah Theme week.

KRISTY LEE COOK
Did you ever have one of the high school cheerleaders in your speech class? They were the ones who always looked presentable and covered the bases of what they were supposed to talk about yet seemed like they didn't really know anything about what they were talking about. That is what I think of whenever Kristy performs. Dead behind the eyes.

DAVID COOK
I must admit that I didn't like David very much at the beginning. He fails my hair threshold test. He kind of has the voice of a butt-rocker. But I actually really liked his version of "Hello" last week - even though it didn't include one of my favorite solos of all time or a blind girl on stage making a clay sculpture of his head. This might seem weird, but the part that really made me respect him was at the end. He sang "But let me start by saying ..." and I was expecting the "I love you" line which was going to make me cringe in that setting. But then he skipped the cheesy part and went back to "Hello - is it me you're looking for." Tastefully done Mr. Cook.

RAMIELE MALUBAY
How many Filipinos and really short people are there in this country? I mean, she has that vote locked up but I just don't know how long it will keep her in the competition. Some people seem to like her because she is "spunky". I just don't think she will be able to stand out long-term. She is more like-able than Amanda, Kristy and Carly but she might not outlast them.

DAVID ARCHULETA
When this guy hits puberty his luck is totally going to change. Just picture him with Carrico's do-rag and Luke Menard's five-o'clock shadow while playing David Cook's electric guitar. That might be the only way he could lose ground in this competition. He would lose almost all of his nice guy appeal. But the good news is I think Archie has a good 4 years left before his mustache appears.

SYESHA MERCADO
I have a scary feeling that Syesha could be the Brandon Rogers of last year. He and Melinda were the favorites going into the Final 12 and he was voted off that first week. I think he could sing better than Syesha can, but she definitely has the edge on the performance side. It is weird to think that she could realistically come in 2nd or 12th.

CHIKEZIE EZE
I hate to say it, but many people think that Chikezie made it to the top 12 because he was the only African-American of the final guys - so he had that vote locked in. Well, if that is true it sure seems that Syesha would take those votes from him now because she is much better. That could mean trouble for our friend T.C. who might just be taking his chopper home very soon.

WELCOME NEW PLAYERS

2008-03-08T14:13:00.001-08:00

Now that we have reached the Final 12, we might have some new folks joining us because they have heard of all the great fun we have been having.
To accommodate for the new folks, we will be keeping two different scores. We will have a FULL SEASON score and a TOP 12 score. Those of you who have been playing all season will not have to do anything differently. I will continue to add your scores to the FULL SEASON tally, but I will also start a TOP 12 score for you - where you will be competing with the new folks as well.
Of course the biggest honor is winning the FULL SEASON competition, but the winner of the TOP 12 competition will also be able to hold their head high for the next year and have bragging rights.

IF YOU ARE NEW, all you will have to do is have an account with which you can leave comments to posts like this one under your team name. Go ahead and test it out here - and introduce your team to the other leaguers (Remember that we don't use our real names because it feels cooler to be secretive).

The first step is making your PREDICTION PICKS (see below) and you will need to make your Pre-Performance picks before the show on Tuesday.

Good Luck.

PREDICTION PICKS 2008

2008-03-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

In addition to the normal picks for this week, we are going to have some PREDICTION PICKS now that we are down to the final 12. Here is how they will work.

You guys need to e-mail me these picks so that all of the other contestants can't see them and cheat off of them like Seacrest Out, ProfB, Hasselhoff and Team35 are accustomed to doing. I will post them after the show this week. THEY MUST BE SUBMITTED BEFORE THE PERFORMANCES THIS WEEK. Send me a message with "Prediction Picks" in the subject line.

If you don't have my e-mail, ask someone you know in the league what my e-mail is because I am not going to put it on here. I will give you a hint though. It is my first name at my first and last name dot com.

What are these Prediction Picks you speak of?

Predictions of the top 3 finalists. You need to pick who you think will win American Idol, the runner up and the 3rd place contestant. For example, you might think Kristy Lee Cook is going to win, Amanda will come in 2nd and Chikezie will come in 3rd. So you would submit it like this ...
1. Kristy Lee Cook
2. Amanda
3. Chikezie

How is it scored?
You get 5 points for any of the picks that make it to the top 3 - regardless of where they actually finish.
You get 10 extra bonus points for each contestant that finishes in the position that you assigned them.
So (using the example above) if Kristy finishes in 1st place, you would get 15 total points for her. If Amanda finishes in 3rd, you would get 5 points because she didn't finish in the position you predicted, but still made it to the top 3.

So e-mail me your prediction picks before the performances Tuesday night. If you don't get them to me, then you just forfeit these bonus picks.

- Commissioner

WEEK 3 SCORES - ZEBRA FIGHT IS THE WEEKLY WINNER

2008-03-06T23:38:00.000-08:00

How exciting. Just when we thought there wouldn't be any surprises ...

I guess it is time to say goodbye to Jessica Alba. It is kind of a sad day for me because he was like the sister I never had.

We also have to say goodbye to Kady, Luckynards and Asia'h. I wish I could say that I saw it coming.

Everyone was hating on Luke and Kady and included them in their bonus picks. Only one person, however, put Asia'h or Danny in their bonus picks. It was the omniscient Zebra Fight. Congratulations for kicking some serious butt and jumping up to third place.

I will say this - when I asked Mr. Zebra Fight how he made such awesome picks, he said that we all underestimate just how homophobic most people in this country are. I don't understand. Was Asia'h gay?

On the other end of the spectrum - Bessie Moo, what happened? We know you have skillz, but this was not your week.

Anyways - on to the scores. In case you don't know, here is how to read the scores:

TEAM NAME - (Pre-Performance picks) Luke, Danny, Kady, Asia'h (Bonus Picks) Luke, Danny, Kady, Asia'h TOTAL

Zebra Fight 8 7 7 5 6 2 8 4 47
Sanjaya Rocks 8 5 8 4 8 0 6 0 39
Thaddeus Glapp 8 5 8 4 8 0 6 0 39
The Indiananans 8 5 7 5 6 0 8 0 39
Badnewz 8 4 8 5 8 0 6 0 39
PaulaTics 8 5 8 3 6 0 8 0 38
Team Shivers 8 4 8 4 8 0 6 0 38
Seacrest Out 8 4 7 4 6 0 8 0 37
profB 8 5 8 2 8 0 6 0 37
Idolsmith 8 5 6 4 8 0 6 0 37
Team Hasselhoff 8 6 8 1 8 0 6 0 37
JC 8 4 8 2 8 0 6 0 36
Team35 8 5 7 2 8 0 6 0 36
Simonsays 7 3 8 3 8 0 6 0 35
Fire and Ice 8 2 8 1 8 0 6 0 33
Bessie Moo 6 3 5 4 2 0 8 0 28

BONUS PICKS - WEEK THREE

2008-03-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

Time to make the last bonus picks before we get to the FINAL 12. Once again, you have four picks worth 8, 6, 4 and 2 points that you can assign to any contestant.

Now, some thoughts from this week's performances ...

Paula is back on the sauce. While Randy was talking to Kristy Lee Cook, Paula and Simon were basically making out. What a weird night.

I thought Amanda was great. It also seemed like she doesn't get along with any of the other people there. Not a big surprise. I can't see her playing Yahtzee with Asia'h, Kady and Danny.

I thought Michael Johns, David Cook and Archie did great versions of their songs. David Hermandance did a good job singing his song, but the difference between him and those other guys is that someone might actually want to buy a copy of the other guys' versions. Hernandez just turned in a really good karaoke performance.

Speaking of the guys, Castro did pretty well but I didn't think it was THAT great. So you guys might think I was wrong in my prediction, but if you read carefully you will see that I predicted that one of three things would happen, one of which was Paula saying something nonsensical. That is always a solid bet.

Carly did just what she has done the past weeks. She sang a song that proved that she could sing high powerful notes. Her performances are like demo tapes to become a demo singer. She just showcases her technical skills and leaves nothing to connect personally to. Also, in a recent A.I. Q&A Carly said that her favorite moment from last year was when Sanjaya got voted off. Expect some retaliation from the Fanjaya's in the coming weeks.

I think Syesha was lucky that they ran out of time last night. First of all - she sang a Whitney song. Simon hates it when people sing Whitney songs. But even worse than choosing that song was the way she sang it. She is very close to sounding really good - but not close enough. She is consistently off pitch while the tone of her voice and her look make you think that she should be awesome.

When Kristy started singing last night it sounded really good. Then she came to the big notes and we realized that she just doesn't have it in her. The judges liked it, but it was far from a Carrie Underwood performance.

Brooke was wearing a hugenormous ring. I am not a big fan of big jewelry. She always has those huge earrings on too. That is very telling of her personality.

I think the same person who decided it was cool for guys to wear those super tight girl jeans has decided that the new fashion statement is high-waisted pants for girls. Nothing is more attractive to me than the pants my grandma wears. When Asia'h first started walking down the stairs I think I might have vomited a little in my mouth. Then every other girl was wearing those pants too. The only thing that would make it worse would be shirts with huge shoulder pads.

TOP 8 GIRLS (Week 3)

2008-03-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Rank these chicks 1-8 giving 8 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted out on Thursday.

Unfortunately we had to say goodbye to Alaina and Alexandrea. The good news is that they were voted out in alphabetical order of first names. That means that Amanda and Asia'h could be gone this week and Syesha is going to win it all. You heard it here first, folks. Strangely enough, I have found myself singing Alexandrea's version of that Chicago song at random times throughout the past week. "Ooooooh baby please don't go." Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Did you see Archie crying when she sang her goodbye performance? That can only mean one thing - she must be one of his wives.

As for Alaina, it was quite a surprise to see her get voted off. You could tell that Kady totally thought she was going to be the one to go - and I actually gained some respect for Ms. Malloy after watching her reaction. She was kind of protecting Alaina with her posture and acted like it it should have been her instead of Alaina. The truth is that blonde girls are a dime a dozen this year. Why not ditch the underage one for the goody-two-shoes, the cage fighter and the manipulative pouter?

AMANDA OVERTHETOP
"Black Velvet" - Alannah Miles

It took quite a while to purge the images of last week's performance from my mind. It took me a little longer to find those same pants she wore in my size on eBay. I can't wait to dress up for church this Sunday. Amanda has officially reached wild card status. I have no clue what is going to happen with her.

A SHEEP PERSON
"Let's Hear It For The Boy" - Deniece Williams
Asia'h was sporting some long hair last week. Now, isn't it a bit sexist for people to get all bothered about Robbie's wig and then not say anything about Asia'h's extensions? Nevermind that. Did you just see how awkward it was to type a possessive apostrophe behind Asia'h's name? Wait - there it is again. I feel like something is wrong.

BROKE RIGHT
"Eternal Flame" - Bangles
Brooke did OK last week. I mean, the judges liked her. Mrs. Commissioner liked her. It looked like Brooke liked herself as well. I thought it sounded fine but I still just can't get past the overall look of the performance. You know how Phil Stacey sang well but was hard to watch? That is how I feel with Brooke - but I don't think she is as good of a singer. She is a pretty lady and all (much prettier than Phil - even when he is wearing mascara) but something just isn't adding up for me. I am happy for her each week she makes it through, but I don't think she is strong enough to last too much longer.

CARL EASE MYTH SUN
"Pride (In The Name of Love)" - U2
Carly keeps doing "well". Some people still say she is the front runner for the girls. I just don't see it. She does have a great voice, not perfect but great. The problem is that Kady Malloy seems more endearing to me. That is saying a lot. So here is my advice for you, Carly. Give us something to gravitate to. Give us a vulnerable performance. Oh - and one more thing - please don't bounce while you are singing like you did last week. Geez!

KADY ANNOY
"Foolish Beat" - Debbie Gibson
I don't know what to say. Kady was pretty much at the bottom of everyone's list last week but she still made it through - kind of like Luke Menard. The same kind of thing happened last year. Haley Scarnato and Sanjaya were at the bottom of most rankings every week from the top 20 to the final 8. Somehow they made it through. Hopefully Kady and Luke will not be so lucky.

KISS THE COOK
"Heaven Is A Place On Earth" - Belinda Carlisle
Does anybody remember any of the songs Kristy has performed except for Amazing Grace? I certainly don't. I am beginning to understand what is wrong with the Country music industry. They sign girls who aren't that great just because they look alright and wear tight jeans. I have yet to see any bit of star quality in Kristy.

REBEL YELL MALUBAY
"I Heard A Rumor" - Bananarama
People seem to be really high on Ramiele because she is pretty, nice and has a decent voice. I don't think America's love affair with this 4 foot tall singer will go the distance. She is never the worst, but never the favorite. That should get her at least to the Final 8 though.

SYEESH AVACADO
"Open Arms" - Journey
Last week she said that America would probably be surprised to know that she was in commercials. One thing Syesha overlooked was the fact that Americans read this awesome blog. We knew about the commercials weeks ago. All this girl has to do is pick the right song to sing powerfully and she could be holding the girl's competition by the Overmyers. I'm just not sure that she has it in her.

TOP 8 BOYS (Week 3)

2008-03-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

We have made it to the final 8 guys. Rank them 1-8 giving 8 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted out.

Last week we had to say goodbye to Idon't Carrico and Jason Meager. Let us not forget the lessons we learned from these two guys. Jason taught us that a little skunk highlight in the front of your hair will make you stand out from the crowd long enough for the whole world to decide that they don't enjoy your performances. Robbie taught us that you are what you eat - and that is why he has been on a steady diet of rocks ever since he bought his Bret Michaels bandana starter kit and his wig. We will miss you guys. See you on the TV Guide channel.

Now onto the ones who didn't have to sing an embarrassing performance through a stiff upper lip minutes after getting rejected on Thursday. This week's comments feature a special 80's song suggestion from Mrs. Commissioner.

JACUZZI UZI
"Chikezie Like A Sunday Morning" - Lionel Richie
Based on the run of wardrobe choices Mr. Eze has made the past couple of weeks, this week he will probably be wearing parachute pants and a mesh tank top that says "Fresh" on it (written in diagonal cursive).

DANIELLE NORIGAYGA
"Careless Whisper" - Wham
I am actually surprised that Danny is the VFTW pick for the guys. I don't think he is that bad and although he seems to be a little over the top for some folks - I like that he doesn't take himself too seriously. He might actually deserve a spot in the final 12.

DAVID OSMONDLETA
"Crush On You" - Jets
The question now is what Archie would have to do to lose this competition. I mean, at this point he pretty much has it in the bag. He could totally come out and sing Cameo's Word Up! complete with the black leather pants and red cup over his crotch - and still make Paula snot herself.

DAVY COOKETT
"Armageddon It" - Def Leppard
Davy should do well this week. This is, after all, the decade that he seems to be stuck in vocally. Think of all of the Bon Jovi songs alone that this guy is probably salivating over. It would be cool, though, if he picked something totally random to show his "range" like Caribbean Queen.

DAVID HERMANDANCE
"Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" - Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
We all knew Hernando had a good voice after hearing him in Hollywood. As long as he keeps singing the fun songs - he could sneak his way into the final 12 and then with all of the boring girl singers, he could last a few more weeks. But this week is crucial for him.

JASON CASTROVOLTA
"Red Red Wine" - Ub40
I predict that this will be Jason's worst performance so far - assuming he ditches his guitar like the judges asked him to. He might seem very uncomfortable. Randy will say, "It just wasn't you, dawg." Simon will suggest bringing his guitar back. Paula will say something nonsensical. (At least one of those will be true)

LUCKY NARDS
"Footloose" - Kenny Loggins
None of the ladies in this league are owning up to the reason that Luke has made it this far. Is is his munchkin-like voice? Is it his stilted performance moves? Is it his constant five o'clock shadow? Whatever it is, I guarantee you that there aren't thousands of males dialing his number. He is SO the Antonella Barba of this year.

OUTBACK JOHNS
"New Sensation" - INXS
Every time I watch Aussie Aussborn perform I think ...
"He is really good ... He will make it big with a band someday ... I wonder what we have for dessert ... Did the kids do their homework? ... Paula looks high ... Yeah, an ice cream sandwich sounds nice ... Oh, he's done singing. He is really good." You know who else is good? Thousands of people. Nobody is going to care enough to vote him through all the way if he keeps just dialing in decent performances. He probably doesn't care, though. He has already done what he came here to do.

WANNA JOIN IN?

2008-02-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

I have heard news of some other folks who might want to join in on the league. If you are interested, what we will do is tabulate separate scores once we get to the Final 12 which will be after next week. So keep watching to get familiar with the game and then join in once we are down to the final 12.
So if any of you guys want to bring someone in to play in just that final 12 part of the game, go ahead and invite them (as long as we aren't talking about 20 new teams or anything).

-Commish

WEEK 2 SCORES - JC is WEEKLY WINNER

2008-02-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

Wow. Just when you think the results are predictable ...

Last night was a little bit of a surprise.
First, Jason Yeager was kicked off. He had a stiff upper lip the whole interview trying not to bust out in tears.
Then Alexandrea was voted off. Nothing too surprising.
Then they had Kady and Alaina stand up. Kady looked like she knew she was going home and then they dropped the bomb that Carrie Underage was actually the one ousted. Of course they then made her sing "Hopelessly Devoted To You" while tears and snot were pouring from her face.
Next they had Wigs Carrico and Luke Mininard come out to center stage. Oh Robbie. I guess the drag racing bit was not enough to prove that he was hard-core because he was wearing a shirt with a huge skull on it to match his pirate do-rag with skulls and crossbones all over it. It is painful to see someone trying to hard. It was even more painful, once they announced that he was leaving, to hear Simon's "advice" for him.
Simon - "You know, I've said this from day one - it's authenticity. And I think the public saw what we saw and that was the problem. It just never, ever felt real, Robbie. Sorry."
Well, Simon has always been one to speak the truth, but I think there is a time to keep your mouth shut. I am actually quite worried that Robbie is about to go postal worker on somebody. If I were Simon, I would up my security detail to make sure that Robbie doesn't try to prove how authentically bad he is. I mean, it would be really easy for him to gag Simon with one of his plethora of do-rags and then beat him up with one of the chains he always has hanging from his jeans. Well, I take that back. I think the chains on the jeans you can buy at Mervyn's aren't removable. Lucky for Simon.

So on to the results. JC is this week's winner - edging out newcomer Zebra Fight by 2 points.
Prof B had the best pre-performance picks for the boys. (Yeager 10, Carrico 6)
Zebra Fight had the best pre-performance picks for the girls. (Alaina 8, Alexandrea 9)
Bessie Moo had the best bonus picks. (Yeager, Lushington, Carrico)
Seacrest Out widened their lead by another 2 points.

Here is how to read the following scores (JY = jason yeager, AL = Alexandrea Lushington, etc.)

TEAM NAME - (pre-picks) JY, RC, AW, AL, (bonus picks) JY, RC, AW, AL, TOTAL

JC 10 4 7 9 8 0 0 2 40
Zebra Fight 9 4 8 9 8 0 0 0 38
Seacrest Out 8 5 7 9 8 0 0 0 37
Team Shivers 8 7 5 7 8 0 0 0 35
PaulaTics 10 5 5 9 4 0 0 2 35
Sanjaya Rocks 10 5 3 9 8 0 0 0 35
Bessie Moo 10 4 3 5 6 2 0 4 34
Thaddeus Glapp 10 4 6 8 6 0 0 0 34
profB 10 6 5 4 8 0 0 0 33
Simonsays 8 4 5 6 8 0 0 0 31
Idolsmith 7 4 3 9 6 0 0 2 31
Team35 8 4 3 9 6 0 0 0 30
Badnewz 8 6 5 6 4 0 0 0 29
The Indiananans 8 4 5 6 6 0 0 0 29
Team Hasselhoff 4 5 6 5 6 0 0 0 26
Fire and Ice 8 4 4 3 2 0 0 0 21

BONUS PICKS - WEEK TWO

2008-02-27T19:55:00.001-08:00

Time for those bonus picks. Once again we have 4 picks worth 8, 6, 4 & 2 points. You can assign them to ANY contestants you think will get voted off. Team Seacrest out got all 20 points last week. Can they do it again?

I would have been writing this much earlier in the evening, but I keep having to go comfort my son who seems to be having some nightmares tonight. I think I know why. We let him watch the first handfull of performances tonight. This is what is probably haunting his dreams --->

Here are some of my thoughts from the Week 2 Performances ...

I am tired of Randy and Paula saying "it was the wrong song" instead of just saying they did a bad job. I mean if they sang it well then you wouldn't have had any problems with the song. Amanda didn't pick the wrong song, she just sounded like crap and looked even less appealing. More on that later ...

Chikezie and David Hernandez get the "most improved" award for the guys. I am still confused as to who is in charge of Eze's wardrobe. Nobody has ever accused me of being fashion conscious, but it seems like Chikezie is dressing the way my mom would dress me if she still could. Twenty bucks he had on navy knee socks last night.

Speaking of wardrobe - I am confused by Alexandrea's clothing choice as well. First it was the suspenders look which was fine with me. Tonight she mixed a Northern Exposure look with Jamz shorts. I actually liked the song she chose - which the judges told her was the "wrong song." They then said that she has a powerhouse voice that she needed to show off. I think they are wrong. She is sweet and all but her voice is NOT that good. Mark my words.

Danny looks like he is about 6'10" when he wears those skinny jeans and that checkered sweater. I thought his vocals were much worse this week than last, but I guess the judges are hearing something different.

Mrs. Commissioner liked Brooke's performance. Although I like Brooke as a person and I think she probably gets the "most improved" award for the girls, I couldn't quite stomach her performance. I was turned off by a mixture of how she strummed her guitar and her jerky head movements. She is strangely not ugly and uncomfortable to look at at the same time. Dang. Another way she is like Haley Scarnato.

I totally called it about David Cook and his guitar. I actually thought he did OK.

I think Kristy Lee Cook looks much prettier in the footage of her at home with her horses. Now she is all frizzed out and is wearing something old ladies wear to church.

Jason Yeager. Jason, Jason, Jason. I guess if you are going to pick a song with only three notes in it, you might as well sing it like you are performing at Pigeon Forge. If he makes it through this week you know that his son has organized a voting army.

Carly hit the big notes tonight - I guess. She seems to be proving that she can sing but I don't think anyone cares. When she is performing I feel like I am watching her play a video game that she has been practicing a long time. She is totally into it and thinks that we are as excited as she is about finishing each level when really it is just boring. Pretty soon we might just be happy to see her lose.

Speaking of Carly, next week should be songs from the 1980's. I think it would be totally weird if Carly did a Culture Club song because I am convinced she looks even more like Boy George than she does Steve Perry.

Here is what will happen to Mr. Castro next week. He will follow the judges advice to ditch the guitar. He will do an uncomfortably sub-mediocre vocal performance. The judges will tell him that it wasn't his week and somehow he didn't seem like himself - that he lost what it was that made them like him. Without the guitar he could just be a weird singer with funky hair.

Strangely enough, Alaina might actually be one of the top three final girls. Even if Ramiele, Asia'h, Syesha and Carly are better - Alaina is more likable than Carly and tradition has shown that with all of the young white people concentrating their votes on her, the minority votes will get split pretty easily.

Luke Menard just sounded weird. Apparently his wussy helium voice is just what that acapella group needs.

If Asia'h can sport some hair extensions without any criticism, I guess we should treat Robbie Carrico with the same respect as well. Honestly - I can't imagine him actually wearing a wig. I mean, it does look like it - but that is just so pathetic. It would explain him wearing a hat all the time (even under his drag racing helmet). Mrs. Commissioner said tonight that if his hair piece fell off during a show it just might be one of the greatest moments in American Idol TV history.

I can't pass up the drag racing bit for Mr. Carrico. To what lengths will this guy go to prove that he is hard core? He almost cried when Randy said he didn't seem like a rocker. Next week (if he is around) he will probably be sporting a new tattoo on his neck. If that doesn't work, he might just pull out a Glock and shoot Ryan Seacrest in the thigh to make a point.

You know things are bad for Amanda when even Paula is making comments about how weird she looks. The bad thing is that they can't tell her to dress naturally because that will either be the biker clothes she has been wearing or the classic P.E. teacher outfit that consists of tight gym shorts, K-Swiss shoes and a whistle around her neck. Paula did say that Amanda could dance. Well, in an amazon tribal kind of way - I guess I agree.

Michael Johns was OK - but didn't really nail those big notes. There really isn't much more that is endearing about him.

Speaking of endearing - we might as well just crown Archuleta winner of Season 7. That really was one of the best vocal performances I have ever seen on AI - and I have seen almost all of them (I am sad to say). He really is like Melinda Doolittle to me. Melinda was as kind as she was vocally flawless. Archie has the advantage though with the young vote and all of the crazy girls that love him. I read a quote today saying that if Melinda and Archuleta had a kid, it would win hands down - not just American Idol but the lottery, bingo, etc..

OK - get those bonus picks in.

From the TMZ News room

2008-02-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

Whether this is true or not, I thought you guys might enjoy the news.

"Idol" Contestant Wigs Out

Posted Feb 27th 2008 11:40AM by TMZ Staff

After once being linked to Britney Spears, "American Idol" contestant Robbie Carrico picked up one of the popwreck's habits -- a love for wigs!

TMZ has learned the 26-year-old long-haired wannabe's mane is actually a wig and it's got "Idol" execs flipping out. Sources tell us Robbie never talks about his matted down piece and that makes production members feel like it's the blonde elephant in the room. It seems Simon was right last night -- Robbie is a fake!

Where's Sanjaya's pony-hawk or Kat McPhee's extensions when you need them?!

A rep for "Idol" would not comment.

TOP 10 GIRLS (Week 2)

2008-02-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

Rank these girls 1-10 giving 10 points to the contestant you think is MOST LIKELY to be voted off. Picks should be in by 7PM CST Wednesday night.

We sadly have to say goodbye to Amy Davis and Joanne Borgella. I heard an interview with Joanne in which she said that she just felt honored to be in the top 24 on the year with the most amazing vocal talent. I am sorry Joanne, I might have believed that two weeks ago but after hearing everyone sing I am not convinced that the vocal talent is any better than other years. I think Lisa Leuchner was a better vocalist than most of the girls this year - and she didn't even make it to the final 24 of Season 3. But whatever makes you feel better.

Now on to our top 10 girls.

ALAINA WHITAKER
I think it is fair to say that Alaina was the Jason Castro surprise of the girls show last week. There were so many other blondes that were supposed to be better, but she left them in the dust. That being said, her performance wasn't amazing - just much better than expected. Now that we are expecting more, I will be interested to see how she holds up.

ALEXANDREA LUSHINGTON
I am still not sure how to pronounce her name. I liked her performance last week because she is fun to watch. However, I honestly thought her voice was about as strong as Betty White in an arm-wrestling match. One of these weeks she is going to do a standing at the mic vocal performance and it will kill her.

AMANDA OVERMYER
I think Amanda kicked some a$$ last week. I also think the stylists did a good job with her. They changed her look from scary to just unapproachable. The judges were right in saying she will have a hard time singing other styles - but that is not Amanda's fault. I am sure Janis Joplin was never forced to sing with a different voice. That is the problem - they want you to be authentic, but not authentic enough that you can't sell out and sing a Wilson Phillips song. But this week is 70s week - so Amanda should be fine.

ASIA'H EPPERSON
Asia'h did a good job last week. I was still bothered by her tendency to leave out beginning consonants. I believe last week was "Ache another little eece of my art now baby". Maybe nobody else notices it, but as a lyricist - I would be worried that she is actually trying to re-write parts of the song. It is good to see someone so comfortable on stage, though.

BROOKE WHITE
I feel bad about making this comparison, but I am beginning to think that Brooke is this year's Haley Scarnato. No - I don't think Brooke is going to start dressing like Daisy Duke. I do think that Brooke is just trying too hard performance-wise. Scarnato was always laboring to look like she was comfortable performing (or she was just an awkward performer). The moments when Brooke put both hands on her head during last week's performance to act like she was "into it" looked totally uncomfortable to me. It was honestly a bit hard to watch. That is sad, because she is much more likable than Hotpants Scarnato.

CARLY SMITHSON
I really had high hopes for Carly. She has moments of greatness. None of those moments were included in her performance last week as far as I am concerned. Who knows? Maybe a healthy Carly can restore my faith in her this week. I keep hoping for a Kelly Clarkson-esque makeover from the style folks but it just isn't happening.

KADY MALLOY
After watching Kady's reactions to the judges comments, I realized that I had seen her before. She was every girl in High School that I was glad not to be dating - regardless of how attractive they might be. She is the kind of girl who makes that entitled pouty face whenever her boyfriend says he's going out with the boys - and then starts talking in the high-pitch whiny nag voice trying to sweet talk with stupid pet names like "sugar muffin" or something like that. No thank you.

KRISTY LEE COOK
I learned a couple of things from KKKristy's performance last week. I learned why her record on Capitol was never released and that there isn't much truth to the rumors of AI picking professionals that they wanted to sign anyways. She just wasn't that good. Of course it could have been the flu.

RAMIELE MALUBAY
The judges really liked this pretty midget. I thought she was OK but I kept getting distracted by her Billy Idol lip curls. I would place her among the girls right where I would place David Cook among the boys. It looks like they have the same hair as well.

SYESHA MERCADO
I didn't think her voice was so awesome last week, but it didn't seem to matter. She was confident, looked good on camera and acted like she was a professional. It is hard not to like her but her imperfect vocals solidified my original thought that she will only go so far.

Top 10 BOYS (Week 2)

2008-02-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

Time for week 2. Leave a comment to this post ranking these contestants 1-10 giving 10 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted out. It is a tight race so pick carefully.

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to Garrett and Colton. You guys should totally come back next year when you turn thirteen and you might have a chance. One sad note about Mr. Haley, I totally understood what Simon was saying about him needing to get out of the house a bit more.

There are no big updates this week except for a little bit of info about our friend David Hernandez. I always thought he looked a little uncomfortable on stage, and now we might know why. He doesn't have his shirt off.

Here is a picture of him working at BURN, a gay club in Arizona.

CHIKEZIE EZE
I am still trying to picture the moment that Chikezie looked in the mirror last week and thought "Man, this outfit looks cool. I am so ready to walk out in front of millions of people." His performance was bad enough, but his sass talking cemented his demise. He will have to have a huge turnaround to make it through the next couple of weeks.

DANNY NORIEGA
I thought that Rufus Wainwright's mini-me actually did a decent job with that Elvis song last week. I am not saying that I enjoyed it. It was a little "showy" for me - not that there is anything wrong with that. He now has the endorsement of Vote For The Worst - which might not mean anything since they couldn't get Amy Davis through.

DAVID ARCHULETA
Although his performance was a little cheesy last week and I got a little tired of "Oh - Gee whiz guys" attitude - it seemed clear that he wasn't going to be voted out anytime soon. If this week is High School Musical week, he has it in the bag.

DAVID COOK
I totally forgot about this guy already. I'll bet after the Jason Castro performance, old Davy will want to pull out his own guitar to show how talented he is. Like I said earlier, he will unfortunately be compared to Michael Johns - which is like comparing Rob Thomas to Michael Hutchence.

DAVID HERNANDEZ
This guy is like a young, Mexican, pre-election Bob Dole with a good voice (if you like that kind of singing). His performance is so dull that you wonder if he actually has a personality. The good news for him is that if he gets the flu, he can just put up a cardboard cut-out of a La Bamba era Lou Diamond Phillips and play a CD and we won't know the difference.

JASON CASTRO
Dreadlocked John Travolta pretty much secured his ticket to the top 12 with his surprise performance last week. He will definitely get the vote from all of the people who are upset about the presence of professionals this year.

JASON YEAGER
Pepe Le Peu stunk last week. He was more promising than Luke though. He could surprise us this week if it happens to be Showtunes week.

LUKE MENARD
Oh Luke. You had better hope that there are a lot of deaf women voting this week. Maybe this week's theme will be "Songs from the Chippendale Dancers" and he will get to take his shirt off. He just might have a chance.

MICHAEL JOHNS
Our Aussie friend here is easily one of the top two vocalists. I think his biggest problem is that he might be too professional. He won't pander to the camera holding up stupid numbers with his fingers begging for your votes. He is too cool to act like he really wants it. Unfortunately, that might actually mean something to all of the text-voting 13 year olds.

ROBBIE CARRICO
Doesn't look like Robbie is going anywhere anytime soon. By that I mean he isn't going to be voted off soon AND he is not going to make it to the next level. He is stuck in musical purgatory - but that is the price you pay (or one of them) when you sign up for a Lou Pearlman type vocal group.

WEEK 1 SCORES - SEACREST OUT is WEEKLY WINNER

2008-02-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

So the first week of ranking, watching, ranking, watching, ranking and watching is over.

The scores are posted below in this format:

TEAM NAME points for Colton, Garrett, Amy, Joanne, Bonus points for Colton, Garrett, Amy, Joanne

I know it is not pretty, but it is all I am going to give you. An "x" means that I did not get the picks from you. If you made them and I am missing them - let me know. Also let me know if you think I am giving you the wrong total.

Here are the scores as I see them.

Team Shivers 11 12 3 5 0 8 6 2 47
PaulaTics 12 10 12 9 4 0 8 2 57
Simonsays 10 11 10 6 0 8 4 0 49
Badnewz x x 9 6 0 8 4 2 29
JC 12 11 9 6 6 0 8 0 52
profB 12 11 10 6 8 0 6 0 53
Team35 11 12 12 9 0 4 8 0 56
Team Hasselhoff 11 12 9 5 x x x x 37
The Indiananans 10 11 12 6 0 4 8 2 53
Seacrest Out 12 11 11 7 6 4 8 2 61
Sanjaya Rocks 10 11 9 6 0 8 6 0 50
Fire and Ice 12 11 12 3 2 8 6 0 54
Bessie Moo 11 12 11 9 0 0 8 2 53
Thaddeus Glapp 9 11 8 2 4 8 6 0 48
Idolsmith 11 5 6 10 0 0 8 2 42
Zebra Fight 12 11 9 11 x x x x 43
American Midol 10 11 x x x x x x 21

Congrats to Seacrest Out. They get to wear the yellow shirt until next week. They used their insider knowledge to rack up all 20 bonus points.

Colton was the consensus loser in the pre-show picks with 176 points allotted him between all of the teams. Garrett was a close second with 173.

Every person who made the bonus picks included Amy.

Notice that although Seacrest Out has an early lead, the next two teams are the only other teams that have ever won Fantasy Idol. What professionals they are.

BONUS PICKS - TOP 24

2008-02-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Now that you have seen the performances, it is time to make some educated picks. You have FOUR bonus picks that are due before the results show on Thursday. They are worth 8, 6, 4 and 2 points. You can assign them to ANY of the contestants. If they are voted off, you will get the bonus point that you assigned to them.
For example, let's pretend that people will get voted off because of their hair. In that case, my picks might look something like this ...

8. Garrett Haley
6. Amanda Overmyer
4. Colton Berry
2. Ramiele Malubay or David Cook

Two guys and two girls will be voted off on Thursday - but you don't have to assign your bonus picks to two girls and two guys - you can do any configuration you want.

So MAKE YOUR PICKS BEFORE 7PM THURSDAY.

For those of you who are still wasting your time reading this post, here is something I like to call ...

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THIS WEEK'S PERFORMANCES

Is anyone else starting to think that Paula might have been the speech writer for Caitlin Upton on Miss Teen USA? The whole "the Iraq" thing makes at least as much sense as the gibberish dribbling out of Paula's mouth.

This year's cast is not quite as talented as I thought it was going to be.

Was anyone else reminded of Wayne Kirkpatrick's voice during Garrett's performance? (I love Wayne's voice by the way)

Michael Johns made David Cook look like a bar-band singer from Missouri. No comparison.

I enjoyed Jason Castro's performance but I didn't think his voice was all that great and was honestly a bit weirded out at some of his facial expressions.

What was Chikezie wearing?

Danny Noriega got bad comments from the judges - but it wasn't so bad to me. I guess I was just expecting something horribly offensive - so it was a pleasant surprise.

Alaina Whitaker (whom I will now call Carrie Underage) was surprisingly good and confident while Kristy Lee Cook was surprisingly not.

Alexandrea was very entertaining and I think she did a great job - but her voice was not good enough. She can't belt out the high notes.

Amanda Overmyer was the best of the night for the girls in my opinion.

Amy Davis was horrible.

The way my Mrs. Commissioner watched Luke Menard - I could tell that he is the male answer to Antonella Barba. That means it is only a matter of time before we hear about his sex tape.

Every time Paula said that Robbie Carrico was "authentic" I wanted to stab her in the eye with one of those corn on the cob holders. Simon said he didn't believe it. Robbie followed that up by saying "This is me" while pointing to the chains hanging down from both sides of his jeans. What is that supposed to prove? That you buy your clothes online from Hot Topic?

I kept turning to Jill throughout the girls performance saying that Syesha was going to "bring it". She didn't. She was definitely charismatic, but she was missing all of the big notes. Last year Melinda hit EVERY note.

Kady Malloy should never try to sing vocal runs ever again.

Joanne was no LaKisha.

Does it make me a crotchety old man if I agree with almost everything Simon says?

Brooke White is as nice as her earrings are big. Unfortunately there is a lot of ground between her and the really good performers.

I was surprised by what the judges said about Carly. I didn't think it was THAT good and I thought the song she picked was awful. Also, for a few seconds of that performance I thought I was looking at Steve Perry.

Top 12 GIRLS (Week 1)

2008-02-18T16:57:00.000-08:00

Second verse - same as the first. Rank these girls 1-12 - giving 12 points to the person you think is MOST likely to be voted out and 1 point to the person who is LEAST likely to be voted out. After the eliminations Thursday night, you will get the number of points that you assigned to the two girls who were voted out.

MAKE THESE PICKS BEFORE 7:00 PM (CST) Wednesday night.

Also - after the girls performance, check back with the site to make your bonus picks before the results show on Thursday night.

Now, on to the girls ...

Alaina Whitaker, 16
"I am just like Carrie Underwood - only not as famous or good."
Alaina is the young girl from Oklahoma that they kept comparing to Carrie Underwood. All I have to say is that when we first saw Carrie Underwood audition, we knew that she was going to win. Two minutes after we watched Alaina audition, I totally forgot that I saw it. There are too many other young girls here with a bit more personality that will make them stand out. The most interesting thing about her now is that she is the captain of her pom squad and she is good at shopping. Unless Alaina pulls off something spectacular I think people will just forget to vote for her - even if they like her.

Alexandrea Lushington, 17
"I am as forgettable as this picture."
Who? Alexandrea? I have no clue who this girl is. All I know is that she writes "scripts" as her talent, she likes the Beatles and she has the same pose in this picture as my wife did on her first record. As far as I know she could be a young Whitney Houston or she could just as easily be an old Whitney Houston. Wait. I think I remember her audition. She had her 90+ year old grandma there that Seacrest was macking on. She sounded a little like Queen Melinda Doolittle. The difference is that Melinda was mature - so she was able to avoid some stupid mistakes that a 17 year old is bound to make.

Amanda Overmyer, 23
"Wanna arm wrestle?"
I don't think that anyone can say that Amanda doesn't have a good voice. It is powerful. There are just a couple of things that I wonder about her. What did this bad ass motorcycle ridin' tough girl act like when she was waiting in line for a day with ten thousand little pop stars to get into the first audition? Just the thought of her waiting in that line makes her seem so much less authentically tough. Also, how can she be 8 years younger than me but I still feel like she is older than my mom? Oh - and my third question. Is this picture supposed to be sexy? I am confused.

Amy Davis, 25
"I am so glad I left Grey's Anatomy to start my own show."
I was so ready to rip into Amy because she was didn't even make it past the 2nd round of Nashville Star, she is a model and she is in a cover band with some guys from Survivor. Then I read that her favorite quote was "His grace is sufficient for me." Assuming she isn't talking about one of those Survivor guys, I felt bad about tearing her apart. Then, when listing her influences, she said, "Definitely Patty Griffin. I have never been more affected by an artist!! I hope one day I can be even a fraction as good as her, both in song writing and singing." That is pretty admirable for any American Idol contestant. I guess that even though my web filtering software blocks me from some of the google links to her, she might not be so bad.

Asia'h Epperson, 19
"I borrowed this outfit from Haley Scarnato."
Asia'h is the girl who lost her dad just before her initial audition. She is also the missing consonant girl I talked about earlier. She has a great voice but could easily get lost in the mix like Vonzell or LaToya London. She says a couple of her talents are fashion and make-up. I didn't know you could just list things you like as talents. In that case, I would like to change my information in my High School yearbook to add the talents of hamburgers and poker.

Brooke White, 24
"The Matrix? Never saw it."
Brooke is the famed Rated R girl. She doesn't seem to have the best voice of all of the girls, but she might just be one of the nicest. That could take her pretty far. Brooke was supposedly on tour with Phil Vassar and released a CD two years ago, but she probably won't get lumped in with all of the negative publicity the other "professionals" will get. She says her influences are James Taylor, Carole King, Carly Simon and Hall&Oates among others. At least I would prefer that to Fergie and Amy Winehouse.

Carly Smithson, 24
"If only I had met Michael Johns before I got married ..."
Carly was one of our favorites from the first auditions. After doing more research we found that this Irish girl wasn't quite pretty enough to be grafted into the Corrs so she signed a solo record deal with MCA when she was 17. It was produced by one of my wife's favorite artists - Greg Alexander (New Radicals). They spent over $2 million on the record and it sold under 400 copies. Ouch. Some people think it is a crooked American Idol set-up to have her on the show like with Kristy Lee Cook (see below), but if she had to live through the pressure of a $2 million record and only selling 300 copies - I think she could use a break just as much as anyone else. On another note, every shot of her in Hollywood was with Michael Johns (another professional). Let's just hope nothing happens or else we will find Carly's fully tattooed husband beating the crap out of the Australian dude.

Joanne Borgella, 25
"I have a plus-size voice."
Joanne is a nice girl with a good voice. The thing that bugs me is that every time they feature her on the show, she talks about being a plus-size model or how she is big and beautiful. Then she talks about how it is hard to make it in the music industry as a plus-sized singer. If I were her, I would just stop talking about it and making it an issue. Well, that will be hard to do since she WAS the winner of Mo'Nique's Fat Chance reality show in 2005. She was crowned "Miss F.A.T" (Fabulous And Thick). Every young girl's dream. The good news is that size hasn't really mattered on American Idol - at least until you get to the final 4.

Kady Malloy, 18
"There is only one reason why I would take a sideways profile picture like this."
Kady is the girl who did the impression of Britney Spears in her first audition. She was actually a pretty good singer. When asked when she first started to sing, she said that she was singing in her mommy's tummy. That pretty much makes her a liar. Let's see what else she lied about. "I'm also a pretty good actress." Sure. "I am 18 years old." Kady, how are we supposed to believe you when you insist that you were a singing fetus? Now, if you said that you were doing impressions of Britney in your mom's tummy - just floating around naked and bald while drinking like a fish - I would believe it.

Kristy Lee Cook, 24
"Us country girls love sittin' on tires."
Kristy was an early favorite because she is pretty, has a nice voice and is a cage-fighter. Really - it was probably enough just to be a pretty cage-fighter. The problem is that she was signed to a record label that is associated with Clive Davis - so people are going crazy saying she should be kicked off the show. It also doesn't help that in this old music video, she is singing in front of a confederate flag on the wall. It is a small part of the video, but people are already calling her KKKristy. That is ridiculous, but it could eventually work against her. Looks like the fighting skills might come in handy.

Ramiele Malubay, 20
"Look for my picture in a hair salon near you."
Ramiele is a Filipino girl who is somewhere around 34 inches tall. Her favorite quote is "If you're hated, you're are doing something right." Hmmm. There are times that I would agree with that quote, but it sounds like this 20 year old has heard that a lot in her life from her parents - which either means she is doing stuff right all of the time or she is hated by a lot of people. I can totally picture her saying something on the show like, "I am here to win - not to make friends." There is someone who always says something like that in every reality show. They always lose. Then again, she could be the nicest girl in the world. I hate nice girls.

Syesha Mercado, 21
"Oh, my aching neck."
Syesha is the girl who lost her voice in Hollywood and had to communicate with little written signs. Apparently she is no stranger to show business. She was on ABCs version of AI called "The One". It was cancelled. She also did commercials for Nigerian beer, the MedVance Institute , calling "direk", KFC, and Florida. If you just watch the first 15 seconds of this video you will understand why she was a popular pre-Hollywood pick. She should go really far in this competition, but odds are that she will follow in the footsteps of Tamyra Gray, Christina Christian, Jennifer Hudson and Nadia Turner.

Top 12 BOYS (Week 1) MAKE YOUR PICKS

2008-02-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

Here are the guys. They will perform Tuesday night @ 7PM CST. Before the show starts, you will need to leave a comment to this post with your picks.
Here is how you should make your picks:
You need to number these contestants 1 through 12 - giving 12 points to the person you think is MOST LIKELY TO BE VOTED OUT and 1 point to the person you think is LEAST LIKELY TO BE VOTED OUT. On Thursday night they will announce which two guys were voted out. You will receive the number of points you allotted to each of those contestants. So the maximum number of points you could get from these picks is 23 (12 + 11).
If you have any questions about how this works, send me an e-mail or leave the question as a comment to this post. If for some reason you can't leave the picks on the site, you can e-mail them to me. Just make sure they are in before the show begins.
**NOTE - I will be posting the girls sometime soon as well - and you will have to rank them before the show on Wednesday.

Here are the male contestants. If there is anything offensive in these descriptions - my wife wrote it.

Chikezie Eze, 22
"There are two things I love. These wooden boxes and flying Magnum P.I. around in my chopper."
Please see Chikezie Eze sneezing easy and wheezing from breezy, greasy, sleazy allergens. Say that ten times in a row. I don't know what else to write about him. He says he has NO other talents. He doesn't know when he started singing. He doesn't say much about his formal vocal training. It is like talking to Roger Clemens.

Colton David Berry, 17
"I can't believe I beat out the president guy with the glasses."
Colton is from Virginia. He is involved in theatre. He started singing in church. His favorite quote is "Hey, girl, hey." Wow. Of all of the quotes in the world - that is his favorite. Well, that pretty much sums up this kid. Mark my words - if Colton makes it to the final 12 I will change my favorite quote from "Who let the dogs out?" to "Hey, girl, hey."

Danny Noriega, 18
"No you dih-ent!"
Some people say he was born that way. Some people say he chose to be that way. I personally believe he was born with more of a pre-disposition towards singing and then he chose to follow that dream later in life. What did you think I was talking about? Danny lists herself as one of his favorite male pop artists as if to clear up any confusion we might have. Then he lists his only musical influence as Fantasia and his only talent as dancing. He apparently also owns a webcam. (make sure to watch the last five seconds)

David Archuleta, 16
"Hey there pretty lady. How would you like to be one of my wives?"
I think this guy is the Melinda Doolittle of last year. He has a great voice. He is a nice person. He is 5 feet tall. He will also have every child under 12 voting for him. I would be amazed if he didn't make it to the top three based on all of those factors.
Did I mention he was on StarSearch?

David Cook, 25
"It is a little known fact that SCARF is really an acronym for Super Cool Authentic Rock Famousperson. That is why I always wear one."
And I thought Jimmy Fallon was too old to audition. For his favorite quote, David cites Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse - "Pain don't hurt." I don't care what the quote is. Don't EVER quote Patrick Swayze. He says his favorite female pop star is Mandy Moore, but "not for the music." He probably likes her acting. He also says his other talent is that he is a great TV watcher. Well, at least we have one thing in common.

David Hernandez, 24
"Vests are cool!"
David is from Phoenix. He says he acted in an independent film. It looks like he was a "male dancer" in Reefer Madness. He really likes this white t-shirt. He wore it a long time ago in this video. He likes Peabo Bryson. I thought he had a nice voice but for some reason Simon doesn't like him. Simon doesn't like Hispanics.

Garrett Haley, 17
"Help! My hair is swallowing my face."
I could be wrong, but I swear I saw Garrett working at Corner Music or Guitar Center. Wait. He is 17 and from Ohio? Oh - it must have been some other person with REO Speedwagon hair. He lists his other talents as "soccer and video games". Big surprise. No idea what this guy sounds like.

Jason Castro, 20
"I get my secret edge from my Battlefield Earth John Travolta look."
Jason is from Texas. He is a drummer. He just started playing guitar and singing a couple of years ago. I have no idea what he really sounds like because for some reason they didn't show much of him on TV. But there is this video of him covering Gnarls Barkley.

Jason Yeager, 28
"This streak in my hair says I am in but not of this world."
Jason plays in his mom's worship band. His favorite singer is Steve Perry. He has said in numerous interviews that he plays piano "by ear". Good for you Jason. Do you want a cookie? He compares himself to Taylor Hicks. Oh, that is a fantastic idea. Taylor sold hundreds of CDs.

Luke Menard, 29
"Get it? Look! Me Nard! Hehehe."
Luke likes to lift weights and ride his motorcycle. He is more of a rock star than Robbie Carrico (see below). However, this picture makes him look like he was an extra on Ally McBeal. He was in Chapter 6, an acapella group from Millikin University. His influences include James Taylor and the Bee Gees. I wonder if that is what he listens to on his iPod when he is cruising around on his Honda Goldwing. Can you say bad to the bone?

Michael Johns, 29
"I am a professional among amateurs so let's go eat at Outback Steakhouse, mate."
I really had no idea what to write there. Michael used to be signed to Maverick records as a part of a band. He is obviously a good singer and much easier to look at than Phil Stacey. He is Australian for beer. He also lists Neil Finn as one of his influences. This guy is awesome!!
Here is a video of him with his former band, Film. If I learned anything at Belmont it was that you should never perform in shorts ...

Robbie Carrico, 26
"Long hair, a beard and a winged skull will transform me from a boy band singer to a real hard-core rocker."
Robbie used to be in a band called Boys and Girls United. Excuse me. I meant Boyz 'n Girlz United. He used to date Britney Spears. He lists his other talent as "Impressions". This season he will do an impression of a rocker.

Pre-Hollywood Picks Compiled

2008-02-14T04:12:00.000-08:00

Most of you got your Pre-Hollywood Picks in. If you didn't and you still want to play (I believe there are a few of you) - don't worry. Most of us aren't going to get any points from this anyways. Now is the time to jump in because once next week rolls around the GAME IS ON. But I will get to the great Top 24 later. Now is the time to post all of the "pre"-Hollywood picks if for no other reason than to have them somewhere I won't lose them.

ASAIH EPPERSON (Shivers / Simonsays)
Of course this girl has a compelling story. Her dad died like the day before her first audition. Unfortunately, that will only mean something the first few weeks. She has a very good voice - but if I remember correctly, she is the girl who kind of forgets to sing the beginning consonants of words starting a phrase. It sounds as if she is singing through the drive through speaker at Krystal's. "Ood you like eyes with at?" I would be happy if she made it far, but her days are numbered based on previous contestants like her - which I will go into more in my "Meet the Contestants" post. Something to look forward to.

CARLY SMITHSON (PaulaTics / JC)
I liked this girl in the initial audition and am a sucker for that Irish accent. My only reservation was her tattoos. Not that there is anything wrong with them, but she will be singing in front of the same national audience that championed Sanjaya, Clay Aiken, John Stephens, Anthony Federov and Kevin Covais. Not exactly hard-core people.
When she started singing in Hollywood I was sure we had picked the wrong person. She was good but not great. Then she hit the chorus ... "How do I get you alone" ... and I remembered why we picked her.

DAVID COOK (profB)
I know Melinda Doolittle was Belmont University's ambassador to American Idol. I know David Cook probably has no official ties to Belmont. However, I think he is a better representative for Belmont's music school than Melinda - only because he looks like 60% of the "rockers" that go to school there. He easily fails my hair threshold test (which means we could never be great friends). Surely profB knows that rockers (posers) like David (Constantine) end up as TV actors (daytime soaps). I guess Mr. Cook must have had some sort of rodeo background to lasso the vote of "Country" ProfB.

BROOKE WHITE (Team 35 / Sanjaya Rocks)
Rated "R" girl made it! She has a good shot because she seems really nice. She supposedly opened for Phil Vassar on tour which either means she is good or that Phil thought she was hot. That is what Country music is all about. I can already see that she took facial reaction lessons from our good friend Ms. Doolittle - and that might work against her.

SYESHA MERCADO (Team Hasselhoff / Badnewz)
Oh Syesha. She definitely has a good voice. She looks cool. She seems nice. I bet she loses her voice again with the hectic performance schedule she will have if she makes it to the top 12. She was a contestant on a similar show on ABC called The One. That show went under. There just might be a connection.

KRISTY LEE COOK (The Indiananans)
I was surprised that the Indiananans were the only ones taking the "front runner". I figured everyone would take the cage fighting horse girl. Based on how well Carrie Underwood did, I think Kristy will probably go really far in the competition. She used to be signed to a country label (Arista) so that could work for or against her.

JOSIAH LEMING (Seacrest Out)
Oops. Weepy McWeeperson got voted out of the top 24. I was kind of sad about it (not as sad as he was) because he actually seemed to have a special "artist" quality that other folks didn't have. Sure he might have been overconfident, but I think there is a fine line between overconfidence and trying to follow artistic instincts. I think Josiah will definitely be making music for a while and it is probably better for him not to be in this competition. He already got lots of face time. Maybe he could just find someone from the Seacrest Out Agency to book him some shows.

AMANDA OVERMEYER (Fire and Ice)
This girl has quite a voice. But I find it hard to believe that we are going to want to hear Janis Joplin sing a latin song in the inevitable Gloria Estefan week. Then again, I would be afraid to vote her off. She might run me over with her motorcycle.

MICHAEL JOHNS (The Smiths)
Michael was another one of our favorites from the initial auditions. He has the total package. Ok, I am never writing that phrase again. But it is true. And he is Australian which means that he could probably beat up Amanda Overmeyer.

DAVID ARCHULETA (Bessie Moo / American Midol)
This little Mormon boy won star search when he was twelve. I watched the video. He was good back then. When this week's episodes ended, I was kind of wishing that we had picked him. His voice is really good and he has that good old mormon niceness about him. However, Mitt Romney was voted off early because this country isn't quite ready to fully support anyone who believes in magic underwear.

Extended Deadline

2008-02-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

The deadline for the Pre-Hollywood Bonus picks has been extended to tonight at 7PM CST. Leave your pick as a comment to the previous post below.

Pre-Hollywood Bonus Picks

2008-02-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

Time to get the Pre-Hollywood picks in.
Pick ONE person you think will make it the farthest in the competition BEFORE the show on Tuesday night. (OK - I realize I am posting this pretty late - so there might be some leniency on lateness of these picks)
To put everyone on equal footing, feel free to browse the web to see who other people are excited about. There are rumors about who actually makes it past Hollywood - so feel free to use any of the information out there to help you make your pick.

LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS POST TO MAKE YOUR PICK.

The Rules

2008-02-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

Welcome once again to Fantasy American Idol. The season is about to officially begin so there are a few matters of business that we need to discuss. Please make sure to subscribe to this blog so you can get all of the important updates when you need them.

Here are the things we need to talk about …
1. Joining the League / E-mail list
2. Pre-Hollywood Bonus Picks
3. THE RULES (how to play the rest of the season)
4. Other things to know

I will try to be brief and not waste your time – but it is important that you read this stuff so you know what to do.

1. JOINING THE LEAGUE / E-MAIL LIST
If you are playing this year and have not e-mailed me – please do so. (If you do not know “me” then leave a comment and beg to become grafted in to this fabulous network of geniuses). 99% of the communication for this league will be on this site. Occasionally, however, there might be times where I need to send e-mails to the whole group.

I also plan on sending an e-mail to everyone letting you know who the teams are. We don’t typically use our real names on here to ensure that we have freedom to speak the truth (and to not ruin any chance we might have of working with any of the people we might make fun of). So if someone leaves a comment with actual names on it, I reserve the right to remove the comment.

Other than sending me an e-mail message to join the group, the only thing you have to do is have an account (preferably with your team name) that will allow you to leave comments to the posts on this site. I think it is a google account or something like that.

2. PRE-HOLLYWOOD BONUS PICKS
We added something new this year in an attempt to get people involved before Hollywood came along. We call this new event the “Pre-Hollywood Pick”. You need to pick a contestant that actually made it past the initial auditions to Hollywood that you think will go farthest in the competition. I know we didn’t actually get to see everyone who made it through to Hollywood – so I don’t want to hear anyone whining about not having enough information. We all have the same information. Just pick someone you think will do well. (see the earlier post about Pre-Hollywood Bonus picks to see how the picks will be scored).
To ensure an even playing field, know that there are sites on the internet that claim to know who made it past Hollywood. Feel free to do research there for your Pre-Hollywood bonus pick. It is like an open book test.
YOU MUST MAKE YOUR PICK BEFORE THE SHOW ON TUESDAY!!!!!
I will create a new post for this pick and you can just leave your pick as a comment on that post.

3. THE RULES
Here is the way things will work this year. Please keep in mind that those tricky folks at AI change things around every year, so we have to adapt the rules to the show. So just pay attention to the posts on here and you will be fine.

Once Hollywood is over, if this year is anything like last year, they will narrow the contestants down to 12 guys and 12 girls. Then they will have the guys perform on Tuesday night, the girls Wednesday night, and then to vote off two guys and two girls on Thursday. Sometime before the Tuesday night performance, I will make a post on this blog telling you who the twelve male contestants are (you should probably already know) and telling you to make your PRE-PERFORMANCE PICKS.

As a comment to that post, you should rank all twelve contestants from 1-12 points – giving 12 points to the person you think is MOST LIKELY to be voted off and 1 point to the person you think is LEAST LIKELY to be voted off. When a contestant is voted off, you get the amount of points you allotted to that contestant. Here is an example from last year.

12. Paul Kim
11. Sundance Head
10. Sanjaya Malakar
9. AJ Tabaldo
8. Jared Cotter
7. Nicholas Pedro
6. Blake Lewis
5. Rudy Cardenas
4. Chris Sligh
3. Chris Richardson
2. Phil Stacey
1. Brandon Rogers

That week, I believe that Rudy Cardenas and Paul Kim were voted off. This team got 12 points (Paul Kim) + 5 points (Rudy Cardenas) for a grand total of 17 points from the PRE-PERFORMANCE PICKS.

After the performance, but before the results are announced on Thursday, you have a chance to make BONUS PICKS. These bonus picks are a way to make an informed decision after seeing how well the contestants did on performance night. For these first rounds, you get 4 bonus picks worth 8,6,4 and 2 points. Since the Thursday show announces two girls and two guys getting voted off, you can assign these bonus picks to ANY of the 24 contestants. If they get voted off, you get the points you assigned to them. I will make a separate post after the last performances of the week for the BONUS PICKS. You can leave your picks as a comment to that post.

This is basically how the scoring will be structured throughout the season, but as I said before – we have to change some details as the season goes along to coincide with changes that they make on the show.

It is IMPORTANT that you submit your picks before the deadline each time. There is a time stamp to the comments you leave online so we will be able to keep track of that. If for some reason you don’t have access to the website, you can e-mail me your picks, text them to me, or call them in. If you need my cell number, you will have to e-mail me directly for it.

OTHER THINGS TO KNOW

Rules will change throughout the season. If you have a good idea for an addition to the rules or scoring system, please feel free to let me know. My goal is to make it as fun and competitive as possible.

Feel free to make comments about the contestants along with your picks. Trash talking is also heavily encouraged.

My team is going to win.

Thoughts from Episode Two

2008-01-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

Back in front of the TiVo. This time AI is visiting the great state of Texas.

First, let me start with a question.

Question: Which mammal has no backbone?

Answer: Paula Abdul

They start off with a little bio piece on Jessica "Meth Mom" Brown. Are we supposed to believe that if they visit her house and show pictures of her on meth they are not going to let her move on to Hollywood. It is strange that they are showing so many of these little bio pieces so much this year. This is turning into everything I ended up hating about the Olympics on TV.

The first casualty of the evening ... Paul Stafford - a member of the American Roller Coaster Enthusiasts. But the judges are still awfully nice to him. I hesitate printing this but I am here to report the facts. So what was Mr. Stafford's reaction?

"Simon didn't go down on me like I thought he would. 'cause he goes down on just about everybody."

Then we had a Carrie Underwood look-a-like.

Then the sibling duo, Gregory and Mia Tobias, sang a crazy duet - I think. It was more like they had simultaneous solo auditions.

So the first episode had the Rated-R girl. She didn't come off too preachy about her moral standards. Tonight we have Bruce. Before he even auditioned he explained numerous times that he was "saving himself" for marraige. He said, "I have never had intimate relations with a woman before" while they played Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting". He also wears a key around his neck that only fits into a heart that is worn around his dad's neck. He demonstrated how you put them together. That scene was very strange but it wasn't the worst part. Why does Bruce feel like he has to flaunt his purity? I am all for "saving yourself", but in this situation it feels more like "selling yourself" - like he hopes that some girl there in Dallas will think he is so honorable and will then want to run down the street and elope with him so he can finally use that key.
Of course he didn't sound too bad singing- but you could tell that the judges (Randy and Simon) had no respect for him so they didn't let him through. Now we end up a self-righteous Bruce who feels like he is example of how people in search of purity are unfairly persecuted. Although there is some truth there, the bigger truth is that there were probably more than a few contestants who shared his beliefs but didn't stand on them like a soapbox. Even scarier - there were portions of my life when I WAS Bruce.

Then we have the Hall & Oates singing guy from Mississippi with his fingernail collection. Why in the world would you show the ziplock bag full of old fingernails on national TV?

Then Kayla Dawn the car crash survivor makes it through. She looked like Kyra Sedgwick but acted kind of crazy. If we are really judging on voice and performance, it is ridiculous that this girl went to Hollywood and Bruce, our frustrated friend, didn't.

Katie Maloy does her Britney impersonation. Simon thinks she is the best.

We watched Douglas warm up before attempting Living on a Prayer. Ridiculous.

Occasionally we pause the TiVo as soon as a new contestant comes on the screen. I then ask my wife to guess if that person is going to make it through just based on the way they looked and carried themselves. 99% of the time she is right. When Angel, the girl with the model husband, came on the screen, my wife thought she was going go make it through. Then they called in her "hunky" husband to watch her sing "Baby Love". It wasn't very good. Her husband insisted that he thought it was good. Smart man. Never give it up. As soon as you tell the truth - they start to cry.
There was a brief moment of devastation until one of the judges told them they were a very nice looking couple. It was as if all of the national public humiliation just washed right off of their faces.

"who needs a golden ticket anyways when you have your soul mate by your side" - Ryan Seacrest

Next was the Kyle guy who is going to run for President someday. Worse singers have definitely made it through. The vote was one to one for Hollywood when it came to Paula. She didn't seem to like him, but in the history of American Idol I don't remember one single time that Paula ever actually rejected anyone with her vote (see: backbone comment at beginning of post). So of course she made some comment about wanting to see what he can do before she said "You're going to Hollywood."

Then the "If you ask me to" Celine girl. She wasn't very good - and the way that Seacrest patronized her as she came out the door made my wife say ...
"Ryan Seacrest is the lowest rung of hell"

Colton sang a Little Big Town song. My guess is that if your name is Colton, it is your destiny to sing country music.

Here are a couple of quotes from the fabulous transvestite contestant montage ...

"Here's a picture of me as a guy. And here's me as a girl. So I just want to show you guys that I'm versatile."

"Guys, give it a try because pants can be a little restricting if you know what I mean."

Next up we had Country Drew. Although Colton's name sounds more country, Drew is actually more country because he is the one doesn't have his hair all spiky like Joe Don Rooney from Rascall Flatts - oh, and he lives on a farm. Paula once again doesn't seem to want to send him through but Randy and Simon cast their votes quickly to see what Paula is going to do. Once again she caves in and sends him to Hollywood. I am telling you - they might as well not even have Paula there.

Next up was Rocker Kyle who wears "Guyliner". I have a feeling that Kyle is a VERY confused person.

Then we finished with the dude in the hat and the cape singing "I am your brother" to Simon. The judges were acting like this was some special thing - but it didn't seem to be any crazier than other contestants that day (see: tranny montage). I guess the joke is on A.I. because once again some crazy person got to perform their own song on national TV. This is giving me great ideas on how to generate royalties for my own catalog.

Thoughts from Episode One

2008-01-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

Well, we fired up the old TiVo tonight to watch episode 1 while we were recording the second one. I thought I would take note of some notable moments for those of you who missed it.

These initial audition episodes are practically worthless. Lots of horrible singers. At the same time, they are the very episodes that caught my attention back in season one. How could these people be serious? Over the years I have realized that the bad contestants fall into three categories.

(1) The Hometown Favorite - We have seen this a million times. Some kid from (insert name here) small town sings at the old folk's home and puts a smile on all the silver hairs' faces. Their family and friends are always telling them how talented they are. So they come to A.I. to get discovered (it is like Belmont all over again). When they audition they don't sound awful, but they don't sound good - and when it is accompanied by some weird facial expression or uncomfortable body movement it makes the singing seem so much worse. I am sure the enormous anxiety due to being in front of cameras and superstars like Paula doesn't help either. After the rejection they return to their hometown, beg for their Winn-Dixie job back and get a sitting ovation the next time they walk back into Ridge View Assistant Living where they try to remember the words to patriotic songs while they watch that same old lady lick the ash tray (<-- happened to me).

(2) The Prankster - Some auditions are so ridiculous that you can actually hear the echo of the alcohol-induced dare from two nights before. "Hey man. I will give you twenty bucks if you wait in line for two days with tens of thousands of people and then sing "Strip" by Adam Ant while you disrobe down to your rebel flag boxers." We all knew guys like this in High School or College that would be all too enthusiastic about the challenge. It reminds me of something one of the members of Team Hasselhoff would do in a full-body ape suit. The strange thing is that I actually think that this sort of prank on this show is a worthy cause.

(3) The Handicapped - I am sorry, but this is unfortunately a huge factor in these initial auditions. There are obviously some people with significant mental issues but there are also some people that are just plain socially handicapped. Take an only child and then add an unhealthy interest in some fantasy outlet (Sci-Fi, D&D, comics, fantasy idol, etc.), two career braniac parents, a magnet school, way too much time inside the mothball-smelling house, a rock or marble collection, and some encouragement that you can accomplish anything if you "be yourself" or "follow your dreams". Don't get me wrong. I am all for following dreams and being yourself, but when these kids (or twenty-somethings) decide that being themselves means dressing up like Princess Leia AND being a pop music star, there is some level of disconnect there. They should really just try to be in Sufjan Stevens' band.

Now that we have the terminology down, I will get on to the show.

The first notable guy was the one from Egypt. I don't remember what his name was. It doesn't really matter. This guy seemed to be desperately trying to be the Borat of Season 7. He spoke with a heavy accent through the enormous gap in his teeth saying things like ... "That's why Mr. The Bee Gees is so special to me." and "You are sexy face

from that supposed Prankster to the Philadelphia tour guide. Here was a guy that seemed too nice to be a prankster and too normal to be in the handicapped category. You can tell by looking at most people if they will be serious contestants or not - but I wasn't sure when this guy first came on the screen. Then he sang the line "let my pipple go". Holy moley. I guess we have to put him down as a Hometown Favorite - his "home" encouragers being groups of tourists in Philadelphia trying to have a good time.

I don't even want to talk about Temptress Brown or I will start crying too. Ok - except to say that if I was a tailback, I would be VERY afraid of Temptress the linebacker.

Lets move on to Alexis Cohen. This is the girl who likes to wear "shiny" stuff and resembles Willem Dafoe. She obviously had some folks at home feeding her some great encouragement. That is why she said stuff like this right before she went in to see the judges ...

"Always have true faith and always be victorious."

She actually wasn't a horrible singer. She really did kind of sound like Janis Joplin. She would probably be OK in some crazy band. The weirder thing is that the judges thought the same thing. They weren't hard on her, but they said she wasn't right for this competition (which I agree with). Apparently that is not what she was prepared to hear though because her first words out of the door were ...

"Simon is a big fat bad word. Very very bad words." (Note to self: I want to remember to start calling people "big fat bad word". That is so cool.)

Then we see a classic case of a socially handicapped young lady who is torn between her dreams being shattered and all of the power of self mumbo-jumbo that her mom fed her over the years.

"You, sir, suck.
I thank you, I will leave with my dignity."

One minute after "leaving with her dignity", you see her giving the camera the double bird and saying ...

"Take it, Simon. Take it. Take it. Take it. I'm going for actressing.
I am going to show you guys that I can be victorious and F&^# you.
If I could legally moon ya, I would.
I'll make it one day. One day. Somehow. Somewhere. And I hope that someone sees that I have some talent somewhere. Whether it be in acting or singing or whether it be the fact that I have the chutzpah and the balls to be able to get up and talk. To be able to say what I'm thinking. To be able to say what I mean. To be able to speak the heart. To be able to talk. To be able to lead. I will be victorious. Always be victorious ... I hope to hear from you."

Additional note: At some point you hear a conversation between Alexis and her mother and you get a strange feeling that Alexis is not the strangest of the pair.

Then you have Christie Lee Cook - the good-looking cage-fighting horse trainer who had a decent voice. I don't think she even had to sing. She had Simon at "cage fight".

The next prankster was the guy who "had a crush" on Paula. We all know that with all of the information about Paula out there - nobody has a crush on her anymore. She is way too crazy. Kind of like Britney but more mature. Anyways, this guy deserves every penny of that drunken-stupor bet he surely made to come on this show. He wrote a great song about stalking Paula that had these lines in it ...

If she were a doggie I would walk her
If she were a blackboard I would chalk her
If I were Columbo I'd Peter Falk her
But I'm not so I'll just stalk her
If she were a fast guy on first I would balk her
If she were a woman from Good Times I'd be Jimmy Walker
If she were a bathtub I would caulk her

Come on. That is kind of respectable for a prankster. I mean, at least he will see some sweet royalties for his song, right???

Here are some quotes from Princess Leia herself ...

"I want out of my hometown because ... there is nothing to offer there .. unless I become a corrections officer ...which has been a possibility."

"If you don't know this hairstyle then you've been living on some moon on the other side of an M class planet in Star Trek somewhere."

We finished the episode with the pretty girl who has never seen an R-Rated movie. She had an OK voice - but it didn't matter. She had Simon at "pretty girl". She seems sweet and nice and everything, but I spent the rest of the night wondering what my life would be like if I never saw First Blood or Total Recall. Not worth it.

Episode One Tonight

2008-01-15T20:07:00.000-08:00

Haven't seen it yet. Any thoughts?

Meet the Players

2008-01-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Fantasy American Idol.

If you are going to play this year, please comment to this post and introduce your team (you don't have to use real names - which you will appreciate as we tear apart singers that we very well might end up working for someday).

Also, please read the two previous posts on this site. They will give you a little bit of direction.

Don't forget - SEASON PREMIERE - TUESDAY NIGHT!!!!!

START WATCHING NOW!!!!

2008-01-14T15:01:00.000-08:00

In an effort to make these ridiculous audition episodes watch-worthy, we are adding a Pre-Hollywood Bonus Pick.
Here is how this will work. After all of these initial auditions, your team can pick ONE singer that you think will go all the way. As the season progresses, the three teams whose Pre-Hollywood picks stay in the competition the longest will get bonus points. Here is how they will be scored ...

1st place - 10 bonus points
2nd place - 6 bonus points
3rd place - 3 bonus points

Before the Hollywood episodes begin - I will put up a PRE-HOLLYWOOD BONUS PICKS entry. Leave a comment on that post stating who your bonus pick is. So remember to pay attention. You snooze, you lose.

If you are new this year and are wondering how this whole thing works, just stick with me. I will explain soon. Subscribe to this blog so you can stay informed and up to date. Feel free to leave questions as comments to this post as well.

Clean Slate 2008

2008-01-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow marks a momentous occasion. It is my dad's 60th birthday. More importantly, it is also the evening of the season premiere of the show we all know and love - American Idol.
About 6 years ago I started an American Idol Fantasy League. It only consisted of a few couples making picks and "drafting" singers. Last year we stepped it up a notch, got a blog site and invited more players. We scratched the drafting part because there were too many participants - but had a crazy time trying to pick the winners and losers from every show. And just like six years ago, we were committed to trash talking and honestly evaluating the talent (or lack thereof) we saw on that fabulous show.
Who can forget moments like Scatgate 2007, Chris Sligh blaming The Police for bad timing, Phil Stacey looking like Marshall Applewhite and that poor girl who kept weeping at the sound of Sanjaya.
We covered them all.

Well, the time has come once again to fire up the old boob tube and enjoying Ryan Seacrest in all his glory. Hope you will join us this season.

Here are some pictures of what to look forward to ... ...

Michael Tait

BJ Aberle

The return of Josh Gracin

Every CCM singer at some point in his lifetime